Super Granny

PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN

2012-01-25T11:50:00.000-08:00

As mothers we try to keep our children safe and free from harm, and then when the next generation comes along we try to provide the same kind of protection to our grandchildren. We even want to shield them from some of life’s emotional blows. But at some point we are often made painfully aware that our love and our best efforts are not always enough. They get hurt physically and they get hurt emotionally. When we – and they – are lucky, they recover and use those difficult times to learn from and to grow.

But as was made clear to me anew by the publication of my daughter Dorri’s powerful and heartbreaking essay, “Defriending My Rapist,” published in The New York Times online on January 13 and in print on January 15, I was not only unable to protect her from a horrifying experience when she was only 13 – I never even knew about it until many years later. Sure that it was her fault that she had been attacked, and also sure that if she told her parents we would go to the school and demand that the boys involved be held responsible for their actions, and that she would then be bullied at school for having “told,” Dorri kept this secret for years.

We knew that Dorri was having a troubled adolescence, and we tried to help – by speaking to her guidance counselor in junior high, arranging for her to see therapists, providing positive family experiences. But until Dorri was 26 and had sought out a therapist herself, she never unburdened herself of the long-repressed secret that was causing so many problems in her life.

By going public with her story 37 years after the attack, both with her essay and her appearance on Dr. Drew’s television show, Dorri wants to tell young people (boys as well as girls) that if something like this should happen to them, they shouldn’t blame themselves, and they should go to an adult who can help them. It’s never the victim’s fault, no matter what she wears and what she does – it is always the attacker’s fault.

Dorri has received hundreds of responses to her essay and TV appearance, many of which came from other victims who also never told anyone -- boys and girls who are now adults. So many say that the incidents and shame nearly destroyed their lives, and many said that Dorri had inspired them to finally talk about these traumas.

I hope that my grandchildren never have to undergo anything like this – but that if they do, that they will be able to ask for – and to get – help.

9TH EDITION OF “BABY AND CHILD CARE” by Benjamin Spock, M.D. JUST PUBLISHED

2012-01-07T16:24:00.000-08:00

Like many grandmothers of today, I raised my three daughters with the assistance of my dog-eared copy of “Baby and Child Care.” And then my children raised their children with revised editions of this enormously helpful work, which in its newest incarnation still starts out with those comforting, confidence-building words, “You know more than you think you do.”

Yesterday I was thrilled to be part of the book launch for this new edition of "Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care." The book party was hosted by Mary Morgan, Dr. Spock’s wife for 25 years until his death in 1998 at the age of 94, and was attended by Robert Needlman, M.D., the pediatrician who has carried on Dr. Spock’s legacy by writing the 8th and the 9th editions, and other celebrants who either knew Ben Spock or honored his memory. The event at the venerable Greenwich Village Caffé Vivaldi was an exciting mix of tributes to this outstanding man, songs and music from the beautiful Iranian singer Rana Farhan and her band featuring the poetry of the Persian poet Rumi, good food, and good feelings. I felt honored to be there.

One of the most exciting days of my life was the one back in 1973 when both Dr. Spock and I were interviewed on the TV show Midday New York. After the show, I wrote this great man the following letter:

“Dear Dr. Spock:
“I’m sure that you must be used to reactions such as you got from me last week when I met you at “Midday” – heartfelt gratitude from a mother whose hand you held and whose confidence you raised as I brought up my children. And I’m sure you know how many people admire, respect, and support you for your outspoken and deep involvement in the peace movement. (We didn’t talk about this at all, but I am one of those people.) But I don’t know how often you think of yourself as a sex symbol, so I thought you might enjoy hearing what 16-year-old Nancy said about you.
“As we were sitting at lunch, my friend Sue and I were talking about how excited we were about having actually met you in person after having relied on you in print for so many years, and how wonderful it was to have someone in our lives whom we continued to respect over the years and in such different contexts. Then we talked about your extreme youthfulness at 70 – and here’s where my nubile daughter piped up with: ‘If I were 18, I’d really want to go after him, but since I’m under-age now, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble.’ All I can say is that I hope she continues to have such good taste!
“All best wishes, Sally”

Then a few weeks later I got another thrill when I received the following letter:

“Dear Sally:
“I rarely get such an appreciative, flattering letter as yours. I’d be a spoiled second childhood child if I did. Your daughter’s remark was particularly exciting.
“Affectionately, Ben”

I went on to interview Ben Spock a couple of times for different writing projects and found him warm and wise and generous with his time. I feel blessed to have these memories.

WRITERS EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE FUND

2012-01-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

Was I surprised to see that my last entry in these pages was almost two months ago, when I was volunteering for the NYC Marathon! Well, let’s see – soon afterwards there was Thanksgiving, when I volunteered for the Writers Emergency Assistance Fund (WEAF), a program administered by the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA), the wonderful organization for nonfiction freelance writers which I have been a member of for almost all my writing life.

This volunteer stint was also fun – since for the first time WEAF held a fund-raiser in the Broadway offices of the ASJA, which meant that all of us who were there on Thanksgiving morning (including grandchildren) had a perfect view of the incredible Macy’s parade. And we knew we were helping a good cause. Tax-deductible contributions to WEAF help established freelance writers who, because of advanced age, illness, disability, a natural disaster, or an extraordinary professional crisis are unable to work, and a writer need not be a member of ASJA to qualify for a grant. To contribute, to request help, and to find more information about the program, go to www.asja.org.

And have a happy new year!

MARATHON P.S.

2011-11-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

In my last post I forgot to mention one other interesting encounter during yesterday’s volunteer stint at the New York City Marathon. As I was standing outside on this lovely brisk fall day, a photographer who was shooting a documentary was standing near me. After we exchanged a few words about his film project, he turned and said, “You smell good.” I wondered what sparked that – until he asked, “Are you wearing ‘Opium’?” And indeed I had dabbed a little of my favorite perfume behind my ears before I left my apartment that morning. I rarely wear perfume on a day-to-day basis and I was amazed that anyone could still recognize the fragrance after I had been out in the open air for several hours. “I keep trying to get my girlfriend to wear it,” he said, “but she always refuses because that’s the perfume my wife used to wear – at least before our divorce. I still love the scent, though.”

And people say New Yorkers don’t talk to strangers!

MARATHON HUGS AND KISSES

2011-11-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

One issue for many women “of a certain age” (i.e., grandmother-age) who live alone is “skin hunger,” a yearning for affectionate physical contact with other adults. Today I discovered a sure-fire way to get lots of hugs and kisses. I volunteered at the Finish Line of the New York City Marathon. Finishing a marathon is such an intense emotional experience – I know because I did it back in 1993, to celebrate my 60th birthday – that people’s feelings overflow. Today tears welled up in my own eyes for practically the entire seven hours while I was one of several volunteers handing out medals to finishers.

First, as the wheelchair athletes came in, I was so moved by the tremendous effort of these competitors who refused to give up with the excuse of disability. Instead, they used hand-powered chairs, and the winner finished in one hour and 31 minutes. Then I saw the world-class professional athletes come in, after they had used every last bit of energy they had to set new records or at least new personal-best times. Some were triumphant, some disappointed, and I felt empathy for every one of them.

And then as I saw finishers from around the world unable to hold back their tears as they realized their dream of pushing themselves to the limit and running 26.2 miles in what has to be the greatest city in the world, my home town, New York City, I started to cry along with them.

But between the tears I was cheered by the many men and women who, as I put the ribbons holding their finishers’ medals around their necks, could not resist hugging and kissing me as they thanked me and saw me as the acknowledgment of their personal triumphs. One man turned down the medal offered to him by the young man next to me and said, “No, I’m waiting for my wife,” and then, after accepting the medal I put around his neck, kissed me on both cheeks in the Continental manner and gave me an enormous bear hug. The volunteer next to me said, “Oh, I’m so sorry – I didn’t realize you were his wife.” “I never saw him before in my life,” I said with a grin.

KIDS ARE SAFER IN CRASHES WHEN GRANNY OR GRANDPA IS DRIVING

2011-07-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

A report published in the August 2011 issue of the medical journal PEDIATRICS showed findings that were just the opposite of what the researchers had expected. Since most of us grandparents are in an older age group that has a higher risk of severe crashes, the researchers thought that grandparent-driven children would be at higher risk of injury. However, they found that children are actually safer in a crash when grandma or grandpa is behind the wheel.

The study authors examined five years worth of crash data, including more than 2,000 children. Grandparents comprised 9.5 percent of drivers in crashes (the rest were parents), but resulted in only 6.6 percent of the total injuries. Nearly all children were reported to be restrained at the time of the crash. However, children in grandparent-driven vehicles were less likely to be optimally restrained. Despite this, children in grandparent-driven crashes had half the risk of injuries as those in crashes when parents were driving.

We grandparents probably drive more cautiously when we have “precious cargo” on board, but our precious passengers would be even safer if we followed current child restraint guidelines. So we need to be more familiar with the best child seats -- and how to use them.

METAMORPHOSIS

2011-07-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

I just heard a wonderful activity story from Super Granny Mary Heath, gardener and grandmother of six, that I have to share. I’ll let Mary tell it in her own words. And be sure to look at the photos on the screen:

On June 18 when three of my granddaughters -- Rachel, age 7, Hailey, 6 and Taylor, 3 -- were out in our garden, we found a black swallowtail caterpillar on my parsley. I have an herb garden and that species especially loves parsley, dill, cilantro, and carrot tops. We got the "bug house" container, which I had ready and waiting. This is something we've done before, as far as catching bugs and watching them. We put the critter into the container and then I suggested we look it up on the Internet. The girls liked that idea. We learned that getting them to pupate and develop into a butterfly is really not too hard. So, back to the garden we went to find more parsley, dill, and cilantro leaves. This caterpillar ATE everything. We were putting in food twice a day. Rachel thought he needed water, so we spritzed it a couple of times, just to keep it moist.
Two days later, on June 20, I put a small stick into the container, because we had read how they crawl up the stick to pupate. Sure enough, almost immediately, the thing crawled up the stick. By the next morning, it was hanging from the stick, just as it's supposed to do, but we didn't know if it would actually spin a cocoon. The girls had to come over (they live a few blocks from us) every day to see the progress. On the morning of June 21, the cocoon was formed! It was in that state until June 29. Nothing happened all that time, and I was afraid our little creature was dead! Then, on the 29th, I was working by the sink, and heard a little rustle and looked over at the container... the cocoon was TWITCHING. I called the girls immediately and they came right over. They got to see this periodic twitching... like a cat in a bag. The girls were truly amazed and their interest now was regenerated for sure. We didn't know how soon it might emerge, so we watched and monitored it almost every waking hour! The day following there was no movement, and again I was afraid the caterpillar was dead. The girls and I had talked all along that sometimes, in nature, things don't work out like we hope they will, and that we needed to be very patient. It might turn into a butterfly and it might not. I don't think either of them had doubts like mine.
On July 1, we noticed a color change... definitely a good sign, as it turned blackish and you could actually see the yellow dots of color on the wings, right through the cocoon. Rachel, the oldest sister, could begin to imagine, I think, that there was a butterfly in there. We talked about how it might be a very small butterfly because the cocoon didn't seem very big.
On July 2, my husband got up at 5:30 a.m., and said the cocoon was intact. By the time I got up around 7, I looked in the container, and could hardly believe what I saw... we had a wet butterfly! I waited until 8 and called the girls. They came right over and by then the butterfly was pretty well unfurled, and drying off. It was beautiful... really was. The girls thought it might be hungry, so we talked about the food it liked. No longer was it dill or parsley, but now it would be nectar from flowers. We gathered a couple to put in the container. Nothing happened. The butterfly was still sort of stuck to the wall of the opposite side of the container.
We had read that after a couple of hours, the butterfly would be ready to fly. We talked about letting it go or keeping it. While Hailey seemed reluctant to release it, Rachel reminded her that that's what butterflies do… they fly away, and maybe it would be happiest if it could do that. Hailey seemed to agree. Just about then, the butterfly flew a little inside the cage and found the flowers. We decided then, to take it outside, near some flowers.
We gathered around, with camera in hand, and gently lifted the lid. It was a few minutes before it actually took off, but it was big and beautiful and landed across the yard near some flowers, then off in the yards around us.
We've never seen it since, but I told the girls, when they see a black swallowtail butterfly, they will have to wonder, was that ours?

new book about sexuality for grannies -- and grandpas too

2011-06-13T17:25:00.000-07:00

By the time we become grandparents we have reached an age about which discussions of sex are often either patronizing or dismissive. But attaining middle or even old age doesn't mean that we have turned into nonsexual beings. Joan Price’s first book about sex in later life, "Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty," talked about the joys of sex at this time of life. After that book was published, Joan received letters from people asking questions about making sex better. And so she wrote her just published new book, “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex.”

This one is really comprehensive: it doesn’t leave out any subject that's relevant to sexuality for people in midlife and beyond. She and her impressive array of expert contributors cover topics with such expertise and such love for her readers that I as a reader felt well taken care of, with so many answers both to questions I have had and those I never thought of but should have. An abundance of quotes from people aged 50 and over describe their experiences with sex, talk about problems, ask questions, tell what works for them. Much sound practical advice gives resources and solid suggestions. And best of all, the book has heart as well as a healthy dose of lust. This is a book about sex that also talks about love -- which many do not.

Of course Joan Price is up-to-date -- she's on Twitter, she's on Facebook, and she has an award-winning blog about sex and aging: http://www.Naked at Our Age.com

NEW INTERVIEW WITH GLOBE-TROTTING TEACHER

2011-04-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Matthew Finch, a young British writer and teacher, who until a short time ago was working as a curriculum consultant with a literacy organization in New York City. He has taught every age group from four years old to 40, working as a classroom teacher and outreach specialist, and he holds a PhD in History from the University of London. He has taught Shakespeare and German in junior school, cultural studies to Aimhigher students, and James Bond to undergraduates. I hope he’ll be teaching the grandparent generation one of these days! Matt is currently training teachers in Ayacucho, Peru, but before he left for South America, he conducted a lively interview with me. To read it, go to http://booksadventures.blogspot.com/2011/04/interview-sally-wendkos-olds-super.html And to keep up with Matt's adventures in Peru, go to http://lavidaidealist.org/2011/04/09/escrutineo/

IS MY FACE RED!

2010-10-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

I had forgotten that I have to moderate comments to my blog before they can be published, and today I just came across a slew of wonderful comments that I had not seen before. I want to thank all of you who have been reading my posts – and been sending good wishes and kind comments.

For the next week I’ll be busy kvelling over my daughter, Jenny (not a grandchild this time!), who’ll be playing in an International Amateur Pianists Competition, so I won’t be back in these pages for a little while.

Meanwhile, if you’re on facebook, look for the page for “The Complete Book of Breastfeeding.” I try to keep it interesting!

Thanks so much for your interest.

THIS BLOG JUST WON AN AWARD!

2010-09-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

GRAND Magazine just named http://omasally.blogspot.com one of the Top 12 GRANDparent Blogs Award, "in recognition of your commitment to grandparents and their grandchildren while providing outstanding content. The winning blogs were chosen based on content, ease of navigation, web traffic and overall look and appeal." Thanks, GRAND!

My colleague Rosemary Carstens was absolutely right when she wrote on my Facebook page that this blog must be a joy to write. It is – especially now, capping a week when I had two Red-Letter Grandma days.

The first one was last Sunday when I was in contact with every one of my five grandchildren, either by phone or email, hearing about what they’re up to. And the second was the day before yesterday when I spent a wonderful day with Anna, the college freshman who is – happily for me – attending a university only an hour’s drive from my house. I saw her dorm room, I met her lovely roommate and another nice classmate, we had a good lunch, and lots of good conversation. I am a lucky granny indeed.

NEW 4TH EDITION OF "THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING"

2010-09-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

When I wrote the first edition of this book back in 1971, I started off the Introduction with the following paragraph:

"If you were living at some other time or in some other place, you might not need this book. You might even wonder about its purpose, since you would be getting much of the information in these pages from your mother, your aunts, your older sisters, and your neighbors. They would share with you their breastfeeding experiences and those of their mothers before them. As you saw them suckling their infants, you would pick up the “tricks of the trade” without even realizing it. It would never occur to you that you would not nurse your baby, because every baby that you had ever seen would have been fed at his mother’s breast—except in the extremely rare case when a mother was too ill to nurse."

At that time I knew hardly any grandmothers who had nursed their own children and who could therefore be helpful to their daughters when their babies were born. Now, 38 years after that first edition was published, the situation is very different. Many of today’s young moms were breastfed themselves and so do have the benefits of motherly help. Still, we grandmas don’t know everything about breastfeeding – aside from the fact that our nursing days are long behind us. Furthermore, there’s so much new research about breastfeeding and so many lifestyle changes in our daughters’ lives that there’s still room for a book a new mom can keep by her bed, underline, and consult without turning on her computer or getting out of bed. One new section in this edition is addressed especially to grandmothers -- focusing on how we can be of most help to the woman breastfeeding our grandchild.

And so I hope that this brand-new 4th edition of THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING will become the breastfeeding “Bible” for still another generation. The beautiful new edition is just coming into bookstores now. For this edition I consulted Laura M. Marks, M.D., a Connecticut pediatrician who nursed her own three children and counsels mothers about breastfeeding and other child care issues. Laura has another connection to me, too. Her mother, Lynne, is one of the super grannies whose story of an activity she has done with her grandchildren is in SUPER GRANNY.

GRADUATION DAY

2010-06-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

My granddaughter will be graduating from high school on Friday, June 25. I’m looking forward to attending because I love her and am very proud of all that she has accomplished during her high school career. (Don’t get me started bragging about her!) She isn’t the first of my grandchildren to graduate from high school – she has two older cousins who are both in college now – but I couldn’t make it to their graduations since they live in Germany and I live in New York.

Anna’s school is only a 2 ½-hour drive from my home, so it’s easy to get there. However, my presence at her graduation is still up in the air. That’s because of what else will be in the air. If the weather is fine on Friday, the commencement exercises will take place at 10 a.m. in the field next to the high school. If the weather is iffy, the program will be moved to a little later in the day, about 1 p.m. In either case she’ll receive enough tickets to accommodate a doting grandmother. But if it rains or hails or if there’s any other kind of precipitation, the ceremony will be held indoors and if that happens, each student will be able to have only two well-wishers, in this case Anna’s mother and father.

To get to the 10 a.m. ceremony I’ll have to leave my house at 7 a.m. to allow for traffic or other unforeseen trip-slowers. I may not know until the last minute if the ceremony will be postponed for an outdoor celebration, or if it will take place indoors and I won’t be able to be there at all. Well, if life were always predictable, it would be boring, wouldn’t it?

MY GRANDDAUGHTER’S WORDS

2010-06-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

Over the past several years my husband and I had talked about end-of-life issues, about our desires to be organ donors or, failing that, whole-body donors. So when I learned that there was no hope of his regaining consciousness from the stroke he suffered last October at age 88, and when the hospital told me that he could not donate any organs because he was not brain-dead, I asked the social worker on the Palliative Care unit to find out which medical facility we could donate his body to. She had never heard of anyone’s doing this, but she made some phone calls and learned that Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn wanted to take him.

A representative from Downstate called to tell me that a memorial service would be held in the spring to acknowledge his final gift and that if we wanted to, we could say something at the service. I did want to, although I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it without crying, inasmuch as I still, so many months later, almost invariably start to cry whenever I tell anyone about his death. Then I remembered the beautiful essay that Anna, my 17-year-old granddaughter, wrote about her grandfather’s death and about her thoughts inspired by the doctor’s words “We don’t know much about the brain,” which made her think about a career in medicine. My daughter (Anna's mother) who went with me to the service and I decided that it would be easier to read Anna’s words than our own.

Many of the 200 first-year medical students were at the service, as were students in the College of Health-Related Professions, medical faculty, and representatives from families of six donors. The ceremony began with a small chamber group of students, a choral group, and a speech by the director of the anatomical donor program, talking about how much more the medical students learn from three-dimensional study than by even the best pictures. Several students recited short, poignant poems, a group of about twenty lit one candle for every donor, and all the families present received a beautiful orchid plant, “because flowers represent life, and then death, and then blooming again.” With our orchid we received a card “to the family of David Olds,” with a note of thanks signed by the eight students who had worked with David, along with a photo of all of them.

The note reads: “We cannot even begin to describe the incredible knowledge and wonder that has been imparted to us through our encounter with human anatomy. We can say with the utmost confidence that such a generous gift has played an irreplaceable role in building a solid foundation of medical knowledge; the things we have learned will stay with us for the rest of our lives. Thank you for helping to train us.”

My daughter and I took turns reading Anna’s essay, in between a few tears and even a little laughter. I appreciated her words coming to our rescue when we really needed them and could resonate to the feelings she expressed. I especially liked her description of the vigil we kept in the hospital for those four hard days: “We laughed and cried and laughed again because we were honoring my grandfather, whose sense of humor was one of his outstanding traits. My family, including my cousins and aunts, and of course my parents and my grandmother, became much closer as we were remembering him and finding ways to cope with our loss.”

When, later, one medical student said, “That must have been a hard decision to make – to donate his body,” my daughter replied, “It was his decision – we were just carrying out his wishes.” We ended up feeling that David had made an important gift in this, the last demonstration of his generous soul, and I appreciated the meaningful help from my granddaughter at this difficult time.

MY AWARD

2010-05-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

On this post I’m not bragging about my grandchildren as I am wont to do – it’s all about me. I was thrilled last month to learn that I was being honored by the American Society of Journalists and Authors with its Career Achievement Award. The ASJA is an organization of more than 1300 freelance writers of nonfiction, all of whom have met the Society’s admission standards. The award was presented at the ASJA’s annual meeting at the Roosevelt Hotel in New York City. This was a really big deal for me. And so in a shameless blast of blowing my own horn, I am reproducing here the beautiful introduction made by fellow member Andrea Warren, a gifted author. (I have bought and given to my grandchildren several of her books for young people. Look them up!) I’m also posting my acceptance speech.

Here’s Andie’s generous introduction:

When I joined ASJA in 1987 and attended my first conference that year, one of the special people I met was Sally Wendkos Olds, this year’s Career Achievement Award Honoree.

Like everyone who meets Sally, I encountered a lovely woman who remembered my name, went out of her way to say hello and to talk to me whenever she saw me, and who was interested in me as a person. There’s a genuineness about Sally that you notice immediately. She is friendly and welcoming by nature. She is curious and generous, and genuinely concerned about the less fortunate. She sees a need and she addresses it, often by writing about it. She is a life-long learner who delights in travel, sometimes to the far outposts of the world.

For ASJA she has taken on the toughest of assignments. A member for over 40 years, she served as president in 1980-81 and launched the “I Read Banned Books” campaign and formed the Professional Rights Committee, which became the First Amendment Committee. She has served on numerous committees and has chaired at least a half dozen. She has moderated and served as a panelist on numerous ASJA conference panels. She helped ASJA explore print on demand, and helped edit both editions of the ASJA Handbook.

She began freelancing as a young mother in 1957 and sold her first article to appear in a major publication to Parents magazine ten years later. She went on to write more than 200 articles appearing in some of this country’s most prestigious publications, including such periodicals as Reader’s Digest, Parents, Woman’s Day, and The New York Times. Several of her articles have been reprinted in textbooks and anthologies.

She has appeared numerous times as a guest expert on radio and television and as a speaker to both general and professional audiences. Though she has written on every imaginable topic, the majority of her articles have addressed family life, psychology, human development, women’s roles and women’s rights, working parents, and helping the less fortunate.

Sally is the author or coauthor of eight books for the general public and three college textbooks on psychology and child and adult development. These books have been used by more than two million college students. She has made contributions so solid that several of her books have been in print for decades. The Complete Book of Breastfeeding, considered the classic in its field, was first published in 1972 and will soon be out in its fourth edition. In fact, two of Sally’s editors from Workman are with her today.

Sally has lived a most interesting life. She is a marathoner and has written about it, and in fact won one of her two outstanding article awards from ASJA for a piece on that topic. She has also used marathoning to raise money for cancer research. After her visit to Nepal, she raised money to build a library, install sanitary facilities, and to provide surgery for a child with cleft palate in a remote Nepal village she had visited. She belongs to many professional, political, and educational organizations. She has participated in oral history projects related to the Holocaust and to 9/11. And she has received a long list of awards in recognition of her service to others. One I will mention is being profiled in the 2006 book Feminists Who Changed America.

Sally is also the mother of three lovely, creative daughters, Nancy, Jennifer, and Dorri. Jenny lives in Germany and cannot be here today, but Nancy and Dorri are both here. Dorri, in fact, is a panelist on Sunday morning’s web design workshop.

Sally also has five grandchildren, ages 10 to 27, and her granddaughter Anna is also here today. Because Sally mines the earth she stands on, her most recent book is Super Granny: Great Stuff to Do with Your Grandkids. In connection with this book she blogs at http://omasally.blogspot.com.

Missing today is Mark Olds, Sally’s devoted husband of 54 years, who died this past year. Mark would have been incredibly proud to see her honored by us today. He always supported her work in ASJA and often attended our events with her.

The Career Achievement Award is the highest honor we bestow on one of our members. Sally was nominated by Bonnie Remsberg, her long-time ASJA friend, who began her nomination with the words: “This one is overdue.” I know we all second that. Please join me in greeting and congratulating Sally Wendkos Olds.

Andrea Warren

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And here are my words of acceptance – and thanks:

Thank you, Andie. and thank you to the awards committee – and the conference committee – and all the other hard-working ASJA committees.

I am so grateful to the Society, not just for this wonderful award – but for having helped me in so many ways to be considered worthy of it.

Joining ASJA was by far the best professional decision I ever made. The Society has been a major player in my career – and my life.

I once went to a panel where a successful New York writer (not a member) was dispensing advice on breaking in to freelance writing. “Well,” she said, “you go to parties where you meet editors and you talk to them and you tell them your name and then when you call them they’ll remember you and they’ll buy your writing.” O-kay. I don’t know about all of you – but invitations to those parties never arrived in my mailbox, and that was so far from the way I got into freelance writing that I could have been living and writing on a different planet.

I wrote my first magazine article in 1957 as a new mother in Ohio, far from parties with important editors. I had read the articles in a free magazine from my diaper service and said “I can do better than that.” Well, they bought my submission – and sent me a check -- for five dollars -- two years later.

This did not seem like the most promising career, so I went on to have more babies and hold a string of part-time jobs. I’m happy that two of my “babies” are here today, my daughters Nancy and Dorri. and my “grand-baby,” Anna.

Some ten years later, in 1967 and now living in Illinois, I sold an article to Parents Magazine, and found that I loved the whole article-writing process – getting the idea, doing research, interviewing, organizing, and then putting words to paper.

I couldn’t get over the realization that I could get paid for doing something I liked so much – and for writing about issues I cared about.

So I signed up for a workshop taught by Richard Dunlop, a writer who kept talking about this wonderful organization called the Society of Magazine Writers.

And life suddenly looked like one big collection of articles. I sent out queries and manuscripts – and when they came back in my self-addressed stamped envelopes I ironed them – yes, I put them on an ironing board and ironed them so I wouldn’t have to retype them before sending them out again.

I kept elaborate charts about what was where. I wrote an article for a church magazine which brought payment of 100 -- copies of the magazine. Then I met with editors on a visit back to New York, and came home with assignments. And in 1969 I managed to amass the bare minimum of writing creds to squeak into the Society of Magazine Writers, which we now know as the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

Soon afterwards, readers of an article I had written about hyperactive children asked me to recommend a book to them and I couldn’t because there wasn’t any. I wanted to write this book and I wanted to find an agent who could help me do it.

Combing through the ASJA directory, I found Julian Bach, and a member he represented called him on my behalf. Julian taught me how to write a book proposal. He said it was worth putting time into a long one because he was sure the book would sell and the proposal would help me. He was right on both counts.

Meanwhile, Peter Workman, the president of Workman Publishing, became a father and told Julian he wanted to publish a new book about breastfeeding. Julian turned to me because of the writing I had done about health. He didn’t even know that I had nursed my own children.

The Complete Book of Breastfeeding was published in 1972, and the fourth edition will be published this summer. I’m delighted that Suzanne Rafer and Erin Klabunde, my editors for this edition, are here with us today.

Soon afterwards a college division editor found me -- through the Society directory. McGraw-Hill wanted to take a new approach to textbooks, teaming an academic with a writer for a popular audience.

I had never imagined writing a textbook – but for the next 25 years I went back and forth between textbook and trade writing, with good cross-pollination between the two.

Back to 1969 and my first Society meeting in New York, where I was now living: At dinner I happened to sit next to Mort Weisinger, one of our founders. Mort became my guru, and through our friendship, I learned that I could call fellow members with questions and get honest answers, and share both ups and downs in this crazy business.

When I had cover-line articles for six months in a row in leading women’s magazines, Mort kvelled over me. And then there was that really bad day, after two articles I had written on the basis of go-aheads were both turned down. Mort suggested that I list among my specialties in the directory, “Writing Queries.”

A better suggestion came some years later from another member, Mary-Scott Welch. When Scotty learned I would be trekking in Nepal, she told me I had to be in touch with her cousin, Marge Roche, an artist who had been there many times.

Marge and I went to Nepal together -- four times -- and ended up doing a book, with my words, her art. My agent at that time – Julian had since retired – loved the book but couldn’t place it anywhere. Who came to my rescue? ASJA!

In 1999 I had served on a committee looking into the new concept of print-on-demand publishing. After ASJA affiliated with one of these publishers, iUniverse, my book, A Balcony in Nepal, came into being. It meant a lot to me to bring the stories of the villagers I had lived among to the niche audience of readers who care about this disappearing way of life.

Besides these career-changing highlights, ASJA has helped me in so many other ways:

Members who became editors offered assignments. Members too busy to take an assignment passed them on to me. I found my present terrific agent, Linda Konner, through the society – she’s a longtime member. I can’t count the number of members who have gone out of their way to help me out, have shared contacts and sources and warnings, and have even shared that most secret of subjects in American society – money.

In a sense we’re all competitors, all trying to get our words in the same space. And yet I have never met a more collegial, more generous group of people.

I can honestly say that some of my best friends are ASJA members, and, friends, I am thrilled to be receiving this award from you. Thank you so much for this great honor.

SAFETY TIP FOR GOING OUT WITH THE GRANDCHILDREN

2010-05-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to take your grandchildren places from an early age. There’s a whole world of attractions your own children loved that you want to introduce the grandkids to -- the zoo, the aquarium, museums, shopping, ball games, whatever. Now as a grandmother you won’t let the little one(s) out of your sight. But there are times – especially if you’re taking more than one young child – out to a public place, when even the most vigilant parent or grandparent can lose sight of a child for a few seconds, or minutes, that seem like hours.

As I was taking the Long Island Rail Road into New York City the other day, a mother and her three small children on their way to the Museum of Natural History were sitting near me. I looked up to see the mom writing on the arm, near the wrist, of her little boy. “Now, we’re going to stay very close to each other all day,” she said, “but just in case we get separated, you just go up to a policeman or a mom with kids and you ask them to call this number.” It was her cell phone number. She then pulled his sleeve down over the number so it wouldn’t be visible unless he chose to show it – to that police officer or other mom. I thought this was a terrific idea for using modern technology. I’m wondering what other grannies think.

GRATEFUL TO AND FOR MY GRANDCHILDREN

2010-04-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

I have not been back to these pages for six months. It’s been a hard time for me, grieving for David, making the transition to living alone for the first time in my life, and at the same time working against a tight deadline for the forthcoming fourth edition of my first book, THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING.

I know I’m not through the hard times yet. As friends have told me, “You get through it – but you never get over it.” But I do feel the need and the readiness to come back and share some of my thoughts about grandparents and grandchildren – and some of my thoughts and experiences about this new chapter in my life, a chapter I didn’t choose to open but now need to make the most of.

I remember the words my friend Norma (who’s been my close friend for more than 60 years and is now a loving grandmother herself) told me some years ago, “There’s no hurt so bad that a grandchild can’t help to heal it.” How right she is! My grandchildren have been such a comfort and such a joy.

Right after David suffered his stroke last October, Anna, 17, and Nina, then 9, came with their mother, my daughter, to stay with me in the hospital for the four days until he died without regaining consciousness. They stayed all day, went in to see their Opa although it was hard for them to see him unable to respond to them, held his hand, talked to him. My eldest grandchild, Stefan, 27, who was in college upstate in Oswego, New York as an exchange student from his university in Germany, flew down immediately and also stayed for days. Meanwhile, Lisa, 13, and Maika, 21, stayed in touch from Germany, conveyed their love for their grandfather and for me, both from a distance and then in person when I went to visit them in February.

My times with the grandchildren – whether it’s been taking a walk and having a talk, going to visit a college, playing a game, cooking together, whatever – have indeed been healing. Part of the healing has come from feeling their love and their compassion. Another part is simply rejoicing in their youth and their vitality and the sense they communicate that life goes on, that life is worth going on with, and that the present and the future hold many joys, despite the inevitable pain that is also a part of existence. I feel very lucky to have these loving young people in my world.

SWEET MEMORIES

2009-10-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

I received a lovely phone call last night from an old friend. Hedy married David’s best friend, Erv, more than fifty years ago, and remained Erv’s and our good friend even after they were divorced and even after she moved some distance away from us. In our conversation Hedy talked about the memories she had of David over the years, and I asked her to share them. She talked about the time she dated him (before I had met him – and which I knew all about), and she talked about how much she appreciated our making the long drive to see her on two occasions – the sad one when Erv died and the happy one when their granddaughter was Bat Mitzvah’d. Hedy asked if it was too painful for me to hear these memories, but I relished them and appreciated hearing through her voice and her memories how much she too loved and admired my David.

These are the messages that mean the most to me – the conversations and the notes in which people share their memories of David, because through all these memories he lives on. There’s the junior high school teacher who wrote to me of a time when David came to speak to his class and had the students mesmerized by his talking about his career in radio. (I know what a tough audience junior high schoolers can be!) Or the young man who wrote about how David had welcomed him into our home at a crucial time in his life. Or the trainer at the gym who told me of the good conversations they used to have. Or the young woman who lived next door to us as a little girl and still remembers his smile and how he helped her single mother clear away the snow in her driveway.

Some of these memories are new to me, or forgotten, so they give me the gift of seeing still another aspect of who he was – and what his impact was on people outside our family. I’m grateful for this gift.

“HOW ARE YOU?”

2009-10-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

I am deeply appreciative of my friends and family who phone or visit me after David’s death, but when they ask this question, I don’t know how to answer. I’m not “fine,” and I’m not “okay.” I could say that I am, but what a lie that would be. So I have tried out various answers, like these:

“I’m taking it one day at a time.”
“I have a lot of support from my family and good friends.”
“I’m putting one foot in front of the other.”
“I’m eating and sleeping.” (Actually, I’m doing a little too much of the one – people have been much too generous bringing tempting sweets – and too little of the other – I’m discovering TV shows I never watched before -- but I’m sure that will change.)
“I’m breathing.”
“I’m getting stuff done.” (And there’s a lot to do, I’m finding out.)
“Compared to what?” (This, only to a close friend who appreciates black humor.)

What I find most helpful for well-wishers to ask is, “What did you do today?” or “What are you going to do tomorrow?” Specific questions that I can give specific answers to.

Everyone in this situation is different, of course, and everyone experiences a major loss differently, so I’m not giving any advice – just saying what it’s like for me. I’d like to know how other bereaved people answer this question from kind people who really want to know.

MY LOVE STORY

2009-10-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

On October 13, 1955 when I was in my last semester at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia I had a blind date with a radio announcer named Mark Olds. By the second date I knew I wanted to marry him. Four weeks later he proposed and I barely let him get the words out of his mouth. We were married a month later, December 18, 1955. I learned that his family called him David, his first name, which he didn’t use in the wider world because he hated to be called “Dave.” I called him David – the rest of the world knew him as Mark. (When our eldest daughter first went to kindergarten, she came home and asked me, “What’s Daddy’s name?”)

On Saturday, October 3, 2009 David and I attended the Bat Mitzvah of the granddaughter of a close friend. We danced the hora, and then a little later were the only couple on the floor dancing to a Frank Sinatra medley. He was a terrific dancer, much in demand as a dance partner. After we drove home in a heavy rainstorm, David took off his dress clothes, put on his high rubber boots and slicker, and cleared leaves that had been clogging the drain in our driveway. The next morning we took a little time for some pillow talk before he went out for bagels. When he didn’t come home in a reasonable time I went looking for him and found him in our car in the parking lot of the bagel store, seemingly asleep. The bagels were in the back seat.

When I couldn’t rouse him I called 911, and our local Port Washington police and rescue squad quickly came and took him by ambulance to St. Francis Hospital, where the doctors told me he had suffered a stroke. He received excellent and timely care, but he never regained consciousness, never felt any pain or discomfort, and died in the Palliative Care division of North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, New York on October 8. I had slept in his hospital room the previous two nights, and so I was there when he left us. He was 88 years old, and we had often talked about the day when one of us would go first. We had promised each other we would not use heroic measures to sustain life when a meaningful life was no longer possible, and I fulfilled that promise when he needed me to.

David and I had been together for just a few days shy of 54 years. He was a wonderful man, husband, father, grandfather, and friend. He was my best friend, my rock, my staunch supporter. I know that our daughters, our grandchildren, our close friends, and I will get through this terribly sad time although we will never get over his loss. We’re all grateful that we had him as long as we did.

Obituary notices were published in Newsday and the Port Washington (NY) News.

TALK TO THEM

2009-09-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

Jane Brody, personal health columnist for The New York Times and a grandmother, wrote a really important article yesterday, September 29, headlined “From Birth, Engage Your Child with Talk.” This generation of mothers is different from ours in many ways – one being those ubiquitous cell phones. Yes, I know, we use them too – but when we’re with our grandkids? Rarely. In her column, Jane echoed a point I made in the introduction to SUPER GRANNY:

“I often see parents talking on their cell phones while they are out with their children—walking in the street, pushing them on playground swings, or riding a bus—being more involved with the phone conversation than with the child. But I never see a grandmother opting for cell phone over child. No matter how busy we are, when we take time out from our careers and our other activities to be with our grandchildren, we know that this is an event, a precious interlude, one that we want to experience as fully as we can. We know how fast children grow up.”

Jane quoted communication experts on the importance of talking, reading, and singing to young children right from infancy, and she gives a lot of good pointers on having the best conversations – pointers that we grannies can also use. Just a few of her good examples:
* Talk while doing things and going places and point out sights along the way.
* Use simple but grammatical speech – no baby talk.
* With a baby who’s not talking yet, guess what she or he wants, and then answer with words.

She doesn’t mention in this article teaching babies how to sign, which I described in SUPER GRANNY as another way to begin communication with preverbal children. I only wish I had an infant or toddler in the family that I could talk to these days!

WHAT I LEARNED WHEN MY HUSBAND HAD SURGERY

2009-09-10T07:20:00.000-07:00

This post isn’t about grandparenting – but it affects grandparents. Parents too. In fact everyone. Mark had had a hiatal hernia for some years, which he managed to keep in check with either prescription or over-the-counter medications. Recently, however, it became more troublesome, and his gastrointestinal doctor recommended that he have it surgically repaired. He had the operation two weeks ago, and he is recovering well. However, I want to pass on some of what I learned from the experience.

1) Don’t schedule elective surgery when your own doctor will be out of town. We didn’t learn until Mark tried to schedule his presurgical testing appointment that both his internist and his cardiologist would be out of town the week the surgery would take place. This created a little scheduling glitz, but the more important issue came up when the heart monitor he wore in the hospital seemed to show an arrhythmia. The question arose: Was this something he had had in the past that his doctor was either treating or didn’t consider a problem, or was it something new and therefore more problematic? There was no way we could get this information since both his doctors were away, and as a result the surgeon who was seeing him in the hospital (the doctor who had performed the surgery went away immediately afterwards so his associate whom we had never met was taking care of him) cautiously recommended that he stay in the hospital an extra night. By the following day, the heartbeat seemed normal, the hospital cardiologist said he could go home, and a follow-up visit after his own heart doctor returned reassured us that he was fine. The lesson: Even if surgery is scheduled, if you find out that your own doctors will not be reachable, postpone the surgery.

2) If anyone in your family (including you) needs to be in the hospital for any reason, it's very important to have someone with you, from morning to night if possible, and sometimes even overnight. During a previous stay when Mark received a knee replacement, I was able to keep a nurse from administering a medication that the nurse on the previous shift had already given but had not written down. Also, while patients are recovering from anesthesia they may be a little disoriented and it’s important to have someone to help them be comfortable. The nurses are too busy to be in the patient’s room all the time, and sometimes too busy to come quickly when needed. If the patient’s advocate is there, she or he can go out to get the nurse when necessary.

3) Ask for specific written instructions upon discharge. Mark’s surgeon told me while Mark was in the recovery room (still under anesthesia) that he should first be on a liquid diet and then move to a soft diet. I heard him, but I have to confess that I was distracted by my concern for my husband, and didn’t ask for specifics, like when he could switch from liquid to soft, what constitutes a soft diet, how long he should be on this, and so forth. We also didn’t establish what activities he could do, and how soon. We were confused, since the surgeon’s stand-in gave us some instructions for a low-residue diet (no rice, no bread or rolls), and the hospital meals included those items. When we got home I downloaded a low-residue diet from the Mayo Clinic website, and then asked Mark’s gastrointestinal specialist who had recommended the surgery for a written diet. Between the two, we worked out something that seemed to work, but I should have asked for something before the surgeon left town.

I hope I won't have to use this hard-won knowledge, but if there is another hospital stay in the offing, I think I'll be better prepared.

GRANDCHILDREN GO TO COLLEGE

2009-08-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Opa and I drove Stefan, our firstborn grandchild, up to Oswego, where he’ll be studying this fall at this branch of The State University of New York. Oswego is a “partner school” of Osnabrueck University in Germany, where Stefan is pursuing a degree in Cognitive Science (an interdisciplinary approach to studying the mind, with an emphasis on the interaction of people with computers). As an exchange student, he can pursue the same basic curriculum and get credits toward graduation.

It’s very different taking this grandchild generation to school than it was when we took our daughters. I remember very well when we drove Nancy, our firstborn, to Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio, and I didn’t anticipate what a wrench it would be. We had two younger daughters at home, I was deeply involved in my writing career as well as my family, and thoughts of an “empty nest” were far from my mind. But then, much to my surprise, after we came home from Ohio, I went to the supermarket here on Long Island, saw someone I barely knew, told her about taking Nancy to college – and burst into tears. An era had ended. While I may not have shed tears in public after taking our younger daughters to college in their turns just a few years later, each one brought the mixed feelings of satisfaction that our major parenting jobs were coming to an end (we thought), along with a feeling of loss that our major parenting jobs were behind us (we thought).

One big difference, of course, is that Stefan and his sisters have not lived with us. They have lived an ocean away, so actually up at school Stefan is geographically closer than he has ever been. Another difference is that Stefan did not go to college directly from high school as all our daughters did. But the biggest difference is – as I have told interviewers who have asked, “How is being a grandmother different from being a mother?” – as a grandmother you don’t worry so much. You’ve been there before, you have confidence that obstacles can be overcome, and that challenges become growth experiences more often than they become problems.

NANA & OMA

2009-08-11T07:31:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe how much time has gone by since I was last in these pages – so much that Susan, my new granny friend on grandparents.about.com emailed me to find out what was wrong. Nothing at all was wrong – things were very right. I was just too busy being with my grandchildren to write about grandmothering. Since I get to see my grandchildren from Germany and their mother, my daughter Jenny, only once or twice a year, when they’re here Opa and I clear the decks and make no non-family plans.

We played Scrabble, Pictionary, Boggle, and “Stinker” (see p. 114 of “Super Granny”). Opa and Lisa got to see “Ice Age 3,” and we all got to see and love “Up.” (It presents a funny and often moving picture of old age and friendship between young and old.) We went to the beach, we did artwork for Mak-a-plate plates and mugs, we took photos (especially Maika, who has a wonderful eye for subjects and composition), we had a delicious Un-Birthday cake and made up for it by jogging, biking, and taking long walks. The time flew by, and now there’s a little time to write before our grandson, Stefan, comes to visit.

The evening when my daughter Nancy had to leave the beach to take Anna, 17, to her flight for a youth conservation project in Idaho, Nina, 9, stayed with us. As she was about to go to sleep that night she buried her face in the tee shirt Nancy had worn that day and announced, “I’m going to take Mommy’s tee shirt to bed with me because it has her nice motherly smell.”

One highlight of our week on Long Beach Island, the New Jersey seashore community where we (variously including other daughters and grandchildren) have been renting a house for the past eleven summers, was a visit from another new friend in my granny network, Barbara from Nana's Corner. Thanks to reading her blog, I had learned that she lives in New Jersey and also vacations with her family on Long Beach Island. We exchanged phone numbers, and I was so glad that this busy grandma, teacher, poet, and blogger made time to come down to see us, accompanied by her lovely daughter and adorable baby grandson. To see Nana and Oma together, see the photo on the right-hand side – another family affair, taken by my husband and enhanced by my daughter, Dorri. It was a delight to meet Barbara, and I look forward to staying in touch. Talk about social networking!

VETERAN FEMINISTS OF AMERICA & MEN IN HIGH HEELS

2009-07-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite stories in recent days is the one about the 40 or so men in a small town in Pennsylvania who marched a mile in women's high-heeled shoes to raise awareness and money to stop violence against women. One of the marcherssaid that his “red-light-district-red” satin heels “Hurt in 10 different ways. My heels, my soles, my calves, and even my back.” Good for these men to know what we go through!

I read about this march along with other terrific stories on www.vfa.us, the website of Veteran Feminists of America, the organization that celebrates those of us who were active in the Second Wave of the women’s movement. The First Wave began in the 19th century and focused on winning the right to vote, and the Third Wave continues today with activism in our daughters’ and granddaughters’ generations.

VFA defines the Second Wave as the years from 1963 (when Betty Friedan’s landmark book The Feminine Mystique was published) through 1975, the 12 years when the greatest number of women were involved. During this time women took their employers to court to overcome job discrimination, fought for women’s right to be in control of our own bodies, forced changes in credit laws so we could legally sign contracts for mortgages, forced authorities to pass and implement laws punishing rape and domestic abuse, and so on and so on. And we marched. And we protested. And we wrote letters. And we instilled the principles of gender equality in our children, both daughters and sons.

VFA has held reunions and honored many prominent women, including Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg; Congresswoman Martha Griffiths; Virginia Allen, former Director of the Women's Bureau; and other greats. Future events will honor athletes, journalists, the women's health movement, and women in business and finance. DVDs of events are, or will, be housed at major women's history libraries. And together with the University of Illinois Press, VFA has published the book Feminists Who Changed America 1963-1975. I am immensely proud to be included in this book – and very humble when I read the other biographies of women who did so much to change our society. We have seen tremendous changes in our lifetime, and as a result our children live in a very different world.

Go to the website – you’ll have a good time! You’ll even see a little notice about Super Granny – she gets around. After all, she's a woman of her time.

WHAT GRANDMOTHERS ARE FOR

2009-06-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was interviewed by Bobbi Conner, host of the radio show “The Parent’s Journal,” which is carried by about 200 stations around the U.S., as well as the Armed Services Network. (I’ll post here when I find out when it will be aired.) Bobbi asked some really good questions – including a couple that focus on the value of grandparents spending time with grandkids, and some of the positive aspects of this for the child, the grandparent, and the parent.

As I was thinking about this, I remembered a wonderful interview I was once privileged to have with the amazing anthropologist Margaret Mead. I had been asking her about issues relating to child care. She told me, “The worst thing is just having the mother boxed up with the baby 24 hours a day, which nobody ever meant to have happen in the whole history of the human race. Babies are most likely to develop into well-adjusted human beings when they are cared for by many warm, friendly people – as long as most of these loved people remain in the infants’ lives.”

And who fills this bill the best? The grandmother, of course. We’re the next best thing to a parent. As another stable relationship in child’s life, we’re there. We can give parents a break, and they can relax knowing we'll take loving care of their offspring. And in some ways we’re even better than a parent – well, at least, different. Our role is different -- for one thing we don't have the responsibility of socializing the children so we are free of those pressures. Also, at this time in our lives we usually have more time than a busy parent does, more patience, and more of an understanding that so many of the things we worried about never materialize, so we can be more relaxed than the parents can be -- and than we were as parents.

Then too, sometimes a child needs to talk to someone who’s not a parent but who they know is just as concerned with their happiness and well-being as a parent is – here’s where grandparents come in, to offer a different perspective from the one they can get from their parents, friends, or siblings. We’ve been around the block a few times, and we can draw on a wealth of experiences.

Plus, we’re one more person in their lives they can have fun with.

WHY I WENT TO CROATIA AND SLOVENIA

2009-06-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

This post is in answer to Little P's question commenting on my post about bringing back presents for grandchildren, in which she asked why we chose this trip.

My husband had been wanting to go to Dubrovnik for years; we had heard that Croatia is beautiful; and then a brochure from SmarTours came in the mail and the places, dates, and cost were all right for us. Both countries are indeed blessed with lovely sites. One high point was walking the city walls in Dubrovnik and seeing the marvelous views of the sea, the old forts, and the red-tiled roofs of the houses below. We also enjoyed admiring the architecture of the buildings by the river in Ljubljana, the capital of Slovenia. And so much more.

I had known nothing about Slovenia before, and very little about Croatia. Thanks to a little reading that I did ahead of time and to the info from our tour guides, I came back with a better understanding of both countries and their often sad history. I always like to prepare for a trip by reading travel narratives and novels set in the place where I'm going. This time I got some of the flavor of both countries by reading "After Yugoslavia" by Zoe Bran, an account of the author's return trip through the area; "The Sound of Blue" by Holly Payne, a novel set partly in Dubrovnik and partly in a camp for Croatian refugees; and "They Would Never Hurt a Fly" by Slavenka Drakulic, a powerful and painful account of some of the defendants in the 1995 war crimes trials in The Hague, asking what happens to ordinary people that can turn them into vicious killers.

One big plus about travel for me is that it sensitizes my antenna for news. I have found, for example, that when a place I have visited is written about in the newspaper, I am more likely to go beyond the headline and read the whole article-- and to have a special understanding of what's going on there. I feel a new linkage to the people of that country, its government, its trials and its triumphs. And so it is now, with this part of the world about which I had been so ignorant. I know I don't have to visit places to understand them, but for me this brings them closer when I have walked their streets and spoken with their people. And so I hope to continue to visit -- and to learn about -- more places in this big world.

FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO GRAND MAGAZINE FOR GRANDPARENTS

2009-06-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

GRAND is a terrific online magazine for grandparents, which subscribers receive monthly in their computer's inbox. I had a subscription to it in its former paper life, and now I really enjoy the online version. The April, May, and June issues are especially enjoyable for me because they all carry excerpts from SUPER GRANNY (grin). I like the other articles, too, full of good information and good ideas.

The powers-that-be at GRAND have offered a free subscription to all my readers. To get it, check out this website: http://www.nxtbook.com/fx/mags/lastissue.php?mp=/nxtbooks/grand/grand_v4&stdata=trackcode:superg and then click on the word "Subscribe" on the top right corner of the screen. It doesn't say "FREE" but if you enter my code (superg), your subscription will be free.

To find my story in the June issue about running with my grandson, go to page 32. My other stories -- all about adolescent grandchildren -- are about taking a grandchild to breakfast (April) and texting (May).

I hope you like the magazine, and I’d love to hear from you about it.

The editors are currently looking for GRANDParent of the Year nominations. If you would like to nominate anyone, they would be happy to hear from you.

GRANDPARENTS ON VACATION

2009-06-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

I’ve been away from these pages for a few weeks because Mark (Opa) and I went to Croatia and Slovenia, with a brief visit to Bosnia-Herzegovenia. We were away only two weeks, but somehow catching up with work before and afterwards, and getting ready for the trip and re-entry afterwards ate up a lot of time. We saw some beautiful picture-postcard scenes along the Adriatic coast and some very sad reminders of the war in the Balkans during the 1990s. And we met a number of other grandparents – this is, after all, the demographic that has the time and the money to travel.

Even though none of us were with our grandchildren, you could tell that thoughts of them were ever-present. One grandfather looked everywhere for dolls in ethnic costumes for his granddaughters that were “not in plastic cases [the dolls, not the granddaughters] but were real dolls that the girls can drag around with them.” A grandmother stocked up on local postage stamps for her grandson’s collection. Several people hit the computers at the hotel every day to connect with children and grandchildren. And so it went.

We sent postcards to everyone as we always do, letting them know we were thinking of them and giving them a little taste of another country. Then, throughout our twelve days of active sight-seeing I looked for presents that I might bring the grandchildren. I ruled out cheap souvenirs since they all have too much stuff already and don’t need more to clutter up their homes. I ruled out expensive jewelry because I like to shop for good gifts where I know the merchant and can return if there’s any problem. I knew we didn’t need to bring anything, since one of my daughters has said, “Please don’t bring a present every time you come – the children are happy just to see you.” And we weren’t gone any longer than a typical gap between seeing the family.

But I didn’t feel right coming home empty-handed after we had taken such an extensive trip, so I kept looking – and I finally found a solution for the four granddaughters in an unlikely little souvenir shop: little change purses made of handkerchief-linen fringed with lace (for which Croatia is known), with little zippers. Easy to pack, inexpensive, and easy to push to the back of a dresser drawer if the girls don’t want to use them. For our 20-something grandson there was nothing that seemed useful or entertaining enough to bring home. We’ll have to buy him a little something when he comes to visit us this fall.

I wonder how other grandparents feel about bringing souvenirs from trips for grandchildren. A “must,” a “maybe,” or a “forget-about-it”? Let me hear from you.

VOLUNTEERING ACROSS THE GENERATIONS

2009-05-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

“Why are these sharks biting each other?” Corey and Tyler wondered. When the two teenagers went to find a senior staff member of the Virginia Aquarium and Marine Science Center, they learned that serious biting (more than a nibble) is a typical aspect of shark mating behavior. This was one more piece of information that these volunteers, along with their siblings, Jordyn and Morgan, have learned during the hundreds of hours they have given to the center, usually with their Gram, Barbara Van Heest, who has logged 3,000 volunteer hours over the past ten years.

Barbara began taking her four grandchildren who live near her in Virginia Beach to the center when they were toddlers, and as soon as each turned eleven, the minimum age for volunteering, they all began to work along with her.

“I think it’s important that the children learn to give back. They’re fortunate in what they get in life, so it’s good to pass it on,” Barbara says. Also, she emphasizes that the volunteering is not just a question of giving -- the children get benefits from it themselves. “I see them becoming comfortable talking to the adult visitors, answering their questions, gaining self-esteem because of the knowledge they now have about marine life.” (One other plus for the older teens has been meeting young people they’ve gone on dates with – after some adult screening, of course.)

Now Corey and Morgan, both 16, have logged a total of about 680 volunteer hours over the past five years, and are docents at the center on the weekends. Their 13-year-old siblings, Jordyn and Tyler, have already volunteered for about 150 hours each. All the volunteers, young and old, attend classes regularly to learn about the animals and plant life at the center.

Barbara picks up the children at eight in the morning on volunteer days and takes them over to the center, where a day’s activities may include touching sting rays, turning over horseshoe crabs, or showing visitors how to tell whether a blue crab is male or female and which snakes are venomous.

Thanks to all the public service the family has given over the years, the Van Heest family received the Volunteer Hampton Roads Family of the Year Award from the Center, for Barbara’s establishing “a legacy of service through her grandchildren and instilling a commitment of conservation through education.” (Hampton Roads is a 2000+-square-mile area in Virginia including dozens of cities, towns, and counties.)

For other grandmothers who would like to instill a family tradition of volunteer service, Barbara has this advice: “Get involved yourself, show by example, and stay close to your grandchildren – even if they live at a distance, as do the two of mine up in New Jersey.”

HAIR

2009-05-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

A couple of bloggers whom I follow (Susan of www.Grandparents.About.com and Joan of http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com) have been talking about hair color lately, a topic I’m always ready to blather about.

My mother was 33 when I was born and already so gray that someone seeing her on the street pushing me in my carriage asked her if I was her granddaughter. She went home and burst into tears -- but she never colored her hair. She had beautiful fine silvery hair that she wore short all her life. I wore my almost black hair shoulder-length until my early forties when I kept finding gray hairs and didn't like the looks of long gray hair, so I cut it short. I didn't do anything about the color until I was 64 and tired of being the only gray-haired women under 90 in any large gathering. (60% of American women color their hair, and since this includes younger women the percentage of women who color their gray hair has to be much higher -- I've never seen that figure.)

I colored it brown, a color I wasn't crazy about, because dyed black hair looks too artificial, and my complexion is too dark to be a blonde or a redhead. But what I really didn't like was the revenge of the roots. Since I'm short I was convinced that taller people were always peering down and seeing those telltale white hairs at my scalp. I also didn't like the bother and mess when I did it myself and the expense when I didn't. And it seemed to be coarsening my hair. Two summers after coloring it, I cut my hair a little shorter than usual and went hiking in Wales. Apparently enough sun shone between the daily rain showers to bleach the brown and that, plus ordinary summer sun, lightened it enough so that it almost seamlessly went back to gray, and stayed so for a few years.

Then two years ago I got bored again with my gray hair and went to Paul Sharakan, the man with magic fingers who cuts my hair, and told him that I wanted a streak like the purple one his wife, Louise, a talented artist, used to have before she let her hair go gray. Karen, the colorist, didn't have any purple dye that day, but she did have some red on hand, so I got red highlights, and that's what I've had ever since. Who knows what the next chapter will be? I get into some interesting conversations with strangers, both young (often with wild streaks of fuschia or turquoise color in their own hair – or shaven totally bald) and old (including a question from one man asking me if I had been a party to an axe murder).

So this is somewhat of an extravagance -- but less than dinner for one in a typical New York restaurant, and I justify every extravagance in my life by saying that I never wanted (or had) a fur coat or a diamond ring. I'm sure that over the years I've spent much more than I would have spent on both of those, but it eases my conscience.

I’d love to know what other grannies think about and do about gray hair. Let’s dish about it.

BOOK REVIEW: “EYE OF MY HEART”

2009-05-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

This lovely literary compendium, edited by Barbara Graham and subtitled: “27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother,” was published last month by HarperCollins ($24.99). Its 27 essays provide windows into many different emotional faces and phases of grandparenting and what it can mean to be a grandmother.

Reading these grandmothers' stories, I sometimes feel that “ping!” of recognition: Yes, I’ve had that feeling too. And at other times I marvel at how very different their feelings are from mine. Who are these women who write so well from their hearts?

• Barbara Graham, the book’s editor, got my total attention when she described her “besotted state” of being a grandmother, her joy at the new grandbaby’s parents’ decision to move near her, and then her grief at hearing that they would be moving an ocean away, to Europe, with this precious little girl. I immediately felt again my own grief when my own children made that last decision (which I wrote about at the time, 21 years ago, and then posted to these pages).

Then there are the other grandmothers you come to know intimately in these pages, like:
• Lynne Sharon Schwartz, who likens a grandmother’s love to teen love: “the same giddy absorption, the same loss of all sense of proportion, the same transcendent idiocy.”
• Marcie Fitzgerald (a pseudonym), who adopted her grandson because of her daughter’s emotional illness and is experiencing parenthood all over again.
• Judith Viorst, who feels competitive toward the other grandmother for the children’s love and affection.
• India-born Bharati Mukherjee, who celebrates her family’s mix of cultures as she describes the naming ceremony in New York for her China-born granddaughter and who contrasts her own upbringing with those of her children and grandchildren.
• Anne Roiphe, who keeps telling herself that frank and open communication about grandchildren has its limits -- lest she offend her daughter.
• Lynn Lauber, who as an unmarried teenager gave her biological daughter up for adoption, found her as an adult, and now revels in being “Grandma” to her daughter’s daughter.
• Then there’s Abigail Thomas, the “lazy Nana” of twelve grandchildren who doesn’t sound lazy at all, but who wants, among other things, to “play with her grandchildren and then have their parents take them away.”

I liked reading these and the other stories in the book one at a time, savoring each individual tale, musing on each one’s insights, pondering on the many ways in which every grandmother and every grandparent-grandchild relationship is unique. “Eye of My Heart” offers a store of riches to help us grannies understand our roles a little better.

SUPER GRANNY AND SUPER MOM LANA NOONE

2009-04-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

The story I wrote about Lana and her granddaughter Heather in SUPER GRANNY focuses on the singing and hand gestures that Lana, a professional flutist, teaches both her grandchildren, Heather and Jayden. But the story about how they became Lana’s grandchildren could be the stuff of another musical genre, with a plot that could make a powerful opera and that shows why Lana is truly a Super Mom.

I first met Lana Noone on Long Island where we both live when I attended a lecture and film that she presented about Operation Babylift. This program brought more than 2000 Vietnamese orphans to the United States back in April 1975. Over a hectic three weeks, 26 flights left Vietnam with babies and children on board to be adopted by American families. One of these babies was a little girl whom Lana and her husband, Byron, named Heather. Tragically, Heather lived with the Noones for only six days before she died of complications from pneumonia.

While the Noones were still grieving for Heather, they learned of another baby girl who needed a home, and the next month they took 4-month-old Jennifer into their home and their hearts. Four and a half years later the Noones adopted a brother for Jennifer, and today Jennifer and Jason, both in their thirties, are both teaching. Six years ago Jason and his wife named their first baby Heather, in tribute both to Lana and to the baby sister Jason and Jennifer never had a chance to meet.

Lana became a missionary for global adoption, bringing her story to the world through her speaking and also through her book, “Global Mom: Notes from a Pioneer Adoptive Family.” Now Lana, Jennifer, and other panelists with a close connection to Operation Babylift will be speaking on Monday, April 27 in Washington at an event organized by the Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Program. As Lana told a New York Times reporter, “I used to think that being a mother would be my therapy. Instead it became my mission.”

CYBERFRIENDS, GOOGLE ALERTS, AND SKYPE AUDIO INTERVIEW

2009-04-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

On her most recent blog post (at www.GrandmaIdeas.com) Nina Lewis wrote, “One of the blessings of the Internet is ‘finding’ new friends,” and she went on to write about how she and I “met” on the Internet. This is a sentiment I share – and I’m a little frustrated now because I left a comment on her post (I think) to this effect, but so far it has not appeared. Navigating in cyberspace is sometimes an adventure.

Nina went on in her post to review SUPER GRANNY, and then she embarked on a new cyber-adventure for both of us – she conducted an audio interview with me on Skype, which you can download and listen to here . The interview runs about 20 minutes, takes a little while to download, and may tell you more than you ever wanted to know about me. But the best thing is that you can also hear about other grandmothers and some of the things they do with their grandchildren.

I have enjoyed “meeting” both grandmother bloggers and grandmother “doers” (not mutually exclusive categories) on the Internet. A number of the grandmothers I interviewed for SUPER GRANNY were strangers to me until I read something online about their activities. I heard of some of them through a terrific service called Google News Alerts. You go to www.Google.com, click on ”More” at the top of the page, click on “even more,” until you reach a menu that includes “Alerts.” A box will appear that will let you type in whatever topic you want to keep up to date on. I have alerts for “grandmother,” “breastfeeding” another topic I write about), and a couple of others, and every day I receive a message from Google with reports on these topics from media around the world.

By following up some of these reports, I have been able to “meet” and get to know grandmothers with whom I’ve continued to stay in touch – and yes, whom I now consider friends.

MISSING STEFAN

2009-04-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

A couple of days after I returned from a visit with my eldest grandchild, now 26, I found these pages, written in 1988:
----------------------------------
He showered me with sweet kisses. He bestowed on me flurries of warm embraces. Over and over again, he said those wonderful words, "I love you." He also told me, "You are my best friend." Knowing he couldn't keep his promise, he told me, "I'll always stay with you. I'm never going away." But -- as I knew from the start that he would -- he left.

And now my house, still full of everything it held before he came into it, feels empty. His leaving exposed a great vacant space. The rack where his toothbrush hung stands stark and bare. My neat rooms, no longer strewn with his books and his clothes and his treasures, look abandoned. The occasional scrap of paper bearing his doodles or his writing bears witness to the mountains of paper he used while he was here.

I come across a shirt he left behind. I wash it, I hold it up, I remember how he looked in it, and I cry into the soft cotton, knowing I won't be seeing -- or feeling -- him in it any more.

I know he had to leave. I know he loves me. But knowing this doesn't stop the pain of missing him. When he was with me, our time together was not unalloyed bliss. Every day we argued, sometimes several times a day. Sometimes he lost his temper, sometimes I lost mine. Sometimes he blurted out, "I hate you!" and his words drew my blood.

I felt devastated after every quarrel. Even though we got along better toward the end of the few weeks we spent together, neither of us could figure out how to stop the bad times altogether. If we had had more time together, I think we would have come to understand each other better. Still, despite the tempestuous outbursts, once each storm ended, we were close again. Our rages and tears never killed our love, and our loving closeness painted the landscape of our days together.

And now I have to pick up my life where it was before Stefan squirmed his way into my heart, into the good life I knew with my husband in this house still filled with Stefan’s presence. My husband loves Stefan, too, this five-year-old grandson of ours of whom I write with such passion.

One day Stefan said to my daughter, “Mama, I want to marry you.” “I’m already married,” Jenny smiled. “I know, but if you weren’t, I would want to marry you.” And then he turned to me and said, “Oma, I wish you could sleep in my bed. I wish I could stay with you for a hundred thousand days.”

So. He wants to marry Mommy, but he wants to sleep with me. Yes. A grandmother is like a lover, a mother like a wife. I am not with him all the time. I am freed of both the responsibility and the routine of everyday life. I can shower love on him when she “doesn’t understand” him. I can indulge him, while she has to socialize him. I am associated with presents rather than punishment. No wonder the bond between grandparents and grandchildren is so strong!

For the five years before Stefan came to live with us for these short three weeks, I was able to accept the distances between us. I was able to accept the fact that his parents had chosen to live a continent away from us. Our visits together were never more than a week – and always where they lived. This time was different.

This time they came into my world. This time Stefan and I, just the two of us, spent hours, days together. This time I fell head over heels in love – always knowing that we would have each other for only a short time, that this time he would be going an ocean away. But I didn’t want to protect myself by keeping my distance. I flung myself into my days with this little boy who enchanted me with his liveliness, charmed me with his affection, delighted me with his humor. And the more I loved him, the more I felt his love for me.

And so I grieve, not only for the absence of this golden child in my life, but for my absence in his. It’s hard to leave a best friend, even when you’re going with loving parents. It’s especially hard now, as Stefan goes to a strange country where he knows neither the people nor the language, into a life soon to be turned upside down by the arrival of a new baby. Yes, Stefan will deal with his losses, but oh, how I would love to help him ease the pain!

Like generations of grandmothers before me who have watched their children and their children’s children follow their own stars as they chart their own courses through life, I stay in my world as Stefan goes off to his. I love him and I miss him – and I know that both our lives are richer for the presence of the other in it. I look forward to the day when we can be reunited, and meanwhile, I bless the telephone and the international mail service. And I am grateful for our whirlwind romance.
-----------------------
Twenty-one years later:

So yes, it has been hard having Stefan, his mother, and his younger sisters living in Germany all these years while Mark and I and our other children have been here on the east coast of the U.S. I would love to have them close by. But we’re grateful that they’re all healthy and growing up (or grown up) well, and I think about the era when my grandparents immigrated to the United States from Russia, never to see or even speak to their own parents again. We know how lucky we are that we have been able to see all of our geographically distant (but emotionally close) family a couple of times a year, either there or here. Meanwhile, we’ve taken advantage of all the forms of communication that have sprouted over the past twenty years, so we can all stay in close touch. And now here I am savoring the good visit we had with Stefan last month in Florida, and looking forward to this summer’s longer visit from Jenny, Maika, and Lisa.

BOOK REVIEW: “JANE BRODY’S GUIDE TO THE GREAT BEYOND”

2009-04-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

As Susan Griffin wrote in “Eye of My Heart,” edited by Barbara Graham (more about this lovely book in a future post), “When you become a grandparent, you cannot escape the fact that you are older, soooo much older … and much closer to death.” You begin to realize that your time is limited.

As travelers in this stage of life, even as relatively young grandparents, we have much to gain from reading Jane Brody’s new book, subtitled “A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life,” published by Random House. Brody, a popular New York Times health writer and a grandmother of four, has plunged into a topic most of us don’t want to talk about, read about, or think about – but which is crucially important.

As she writes, “Even the healthiest of lives must come to an end. In this book I hope to help my readers make that end – for themselves and for those they love – as peaceful and, yes, as enjoyable as it can be.”

The book covers virtually everything you could think of to this goal, including the intricacies of preparing an advance directive and the limitations of the living wills most of us think will honor our wishes. It emphasizes the need to talk with family members, including healthy young adults, to state clearly what measures you and they would want in case of debilitating illness or injury. The long-drawn-out court battles over comatose patients like Karen Ann Quinlan and Terri Schiavo prompted some 59 million Americans to fill out living wills, and the recent tragic injury of Natasha Richardson illustrates the necessity for family members of any age to tell each other what they would want in such devastating circumstances.

Some of the other issues covered include dealing with a grim prognosis, taking care of someone with a terminal illness, relieving pain, and making a person near the end of life as comfortable as possible. Brody also faces controversial topics like assisted dying and the all-too-common situation of doctors abandoning terminally ill patients when they feel they can do nothing else. The book is easy to read and down to earth. The list of tactless comments to the recently bereaved verges on the ridiculous, like the person who asked a woman whose husband had committed suicide, “Are you going to get a dog now?” Of course, a following section offers suggestions for helpful things to say and do. Throughout the book, a wide range of books are recommended for further help. In this section my favorite title is “Don’t Ask for the Dead Man’s Golf Clubs: Advice for Friends When Someone Dies.” (Can you believe this is based on a real request??)

Despite the gravity of the issues in the book, there’s humor too, partly through the cartoons sprinkled throughout. My favorite is the one with one woman telling another “I’d like to be buried in this outfit, if I can lose ten pounds.”

Both my husband and I have read through this well researched and practical book, have resolved to act upon some of the recommended measures (like revisiting our own living wills), and will be keeping it handy as a reference for the years ahead.

TRAVELING TO THE GRANDCHILDREN

2009-03-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

Years ago I wrote a little article about the places I might never have seen if my children weren’t there – and if I were not going to visit them. Let’s see – there was Eugene, Oregon; Ajo, Arizona; Yellow Springs, Ohio; Annandale, New York; and Eagle, Alaska. Now I could say the same thing about going to see my grandchildren. We’ve taken the short (2-hour) drive to Whitehouse Station, New Jersey to see Anna & Nina; and the 8-hour flight and one-hour drive to Nauheim, Germany to see Lisa, Maika, and Stefan. Fortunately, they all come to see us too.

This past week, Mark and I went to Homestead and Redland, both in South Florida, where Stefan was working on organic farms during his semester break from Osnabrueck University in Germany. He made his arrangements through WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms), through which young people from all over the world go to organic farms around the world and work four hours a day for room and board. His first farm, Paradise Farm, proved not to be so paradisiacal for him, so he was fortunate to find a happier spot nearby at Nature’s Acre.

By the time we came down to Florida, Stefan had fulfilled his work commitments, and we were free to go to the Everglades, Key Largo, John Pennekamp State Park, the Fruit and Spice Farm (a Dade County park), and Miami Beach. We packed a lot of togetherness and activity into three days. We jogged together, beached together, had long talks over dinner, and took lots of photos. I loved the years of having grandbabies and grandtots, but now I appreciate the very special joys of being able to enjoy the company of adult grandchildren, and feeling the love still flowing both ways.

On the plane coming home, Sharon, our 20-something seatmate, was traveling from her home in Costa Rica to New York, to spend time and show her love for her 93-year-old grandma. I assured her that her grandmother would be thrilled by her visit. I know some things.

BRAGGING WHILE BLOGGING

2009-03-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

I started this blog when I first began to think about writing a book for grandmothers, way back in November 2006. And now, after many conversations and much correspondence with grandmothers around the United States and abroad, SUPER GRANNY: GREAT STUFF TO DO WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS has been published, is in book stores, and has started getting feedback.

I’m so happy that people have been saying good things about SUPER GRANNY that I want to share some of these nice words. If you don’t want to hear the loud music of me tooting my own horn just stop here – and come back to my next post. If you can stand my shouting from this virtual rooftop, here are some of the comments that have appeared so far:

"Sally Wendkos Olds's excellent book is a must read for all grandparents, especially those that ever wondered what to do with their grandchildren on a rainy day.” Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., president of the Foundation for Grandparenting

"A great book for granny's (and grandfathers) who don't want to depend on the amount of money spent to enjoy grandkids, but instead depend on imagination, and ingenuity . . .a treasure of tips for giving every grandkid lasting experiences and valued memories." Stevanne Auerbach, Ph.D. (Dr. Toy) http://drtoy.com/book_shelf/#19
“It has the most modern and varied collection of ways to connect with grandchildren from babies to teenagers I’ve seen in a book of this type. … I highly recommend Super Granny for its fresh, interesting approach to promoting a deeper connection between generations.” Katharine Zenke, GRAND Magazine http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200903_v3/

“If you've ever needed grandparenting inspiration, meet Super Granny! This book … lives up to its title. …It's not just the activities that are valuable; it's meeting the remarkable grandparents who contributed their ideas and their stories.
“The book is nicely organized, with sections for grandchildren from infancy to 3, from 3 to 6, from 6 to 11, and finally from 12 to 18. Each vignette begins with a description of a real-life grandmother and something she does with her grandchildren. The vignette is followed by a more detailed description of how to carry out the activity. Olds also uses icons at the top of each chapter to indicate the expense of the activity, the type of activity it is, and so on.” GRANDPARENTS.about.com. http://grandparents.about.com/od/booksaboutgrandparenting/gr/SuperGranny.htm

“I planned on coming back to the Introduction after skimming the chapters. However, after reading the first sentence I was drawn into your thoughts on being on a super granny. WHO IS A SUPER GRANNY? You are! Everything you said is true! …. I like the way I can use your book as a guidebook.
“[Y]our book is wonderful. It's not a run of the mill to-do list. Although you do include a great list, it's way more, it is a sweet sharing of the love we cannot contain for these special people, and a guide to pouring it out--- in buckets.” Play Wit Me Nana blog: http://playwitmenana.blogspot.com/2009/02/super-super-granny-book.html

“Author Sally Wendkos Olds … has created a book to help today’s grandmothers make the most of their time with their grandchildren. … a wealth of ideas … categorized by age groups … and rated by expense, difficulty, energy level required and type of creativity involved. … activities especially suited for long-distance relationships.” Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

And the most important critic of all:
"I'm halfway through Super Granny already. I love it!" My granddaughter, Lisa.

More lovely words from:

Barnes and Noble reader-reviewers: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Super-Granny/Sally-Wendkos-Olds/e/9781402757167/?itm=1&tabname=custreview
and
amazon.com reader-reviewers: http://www.amazon.com/Super-Granny-Great-Stuff-Grandkids/review/product/1402757166/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY BARBIE!

2009-03-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well, we all grow older – and some of us even see our children enter middle age, but who would have thought that Barbie would hit the mid-century mark? Today, March 9,2009 is the day that Barbie celebrates her 50th birthday, with not a gray hair or teensiest wrinkle. You can celebrate with her by buying a modernized version of the original 1959 doll for the 1959 price of $3 from today through March 14 at (and here’s the rub) “participating retailers.” Good luck in finding these retailers and the doll.

When my oldest daughter first started playing with this grotesquely proportioned doll (with the large breasts that Mattel’s Ruth Handler felt would raise girls’ self-esteem by seeing what they could grow into – huh?), I worried that Nancy would buy into our society’s emphasis on unrealistic body image and focus on that rather than developing her abilities. She and her friends would spend hours with Barbie and her friends. Happily, though, Nancy outgrew Barbie, went on to earn a Ph.D., enjoys her work, and has a healthy worldview. She has two daughters, the younger of whom (age 9) still plays with the old Barbies we keep in our attic. I’m not worried about Nina. That’s one of the great things about grandchildren: by now you have learned that most of the worries you had about your children never came to pass, so you don’t have to waste time and psychic energy thinking about them.

My one regret is that I didn’t save a few of those pristine $3 Barbies that I could now sell for mega-bucks (in 2006 one sold for $27,450). But I don’t spend time thinking about that either.

According to www.BarbieMedia.com, “Barbie Millicent Roberts - was "born" on March 9, 1959, in (fictional) Willows, Wisconsin. First introduced as the original Teenage Fashion Model, Barbie(R) doll has since had more than 108 careers, represented 50 different nationalities and collaborated with more than 70 different fashion designers. With one Barbie(R) doll sold every 3 seconds somewhere in the world, Barbie(R) remains the world's most popular doll and a powerhouse brand among girls of all ages. Through the decades, the Barbie(R) brand has evolved with girls, extending into entertainment, online and more than 45 different consumer products categories. Barbie(R) has never been married (she just likes wearing wedding gowns), she is "just friends" with Ken and her "real" measurements are 5 inches (bust) x 3 1/4 inches (waist) x 5 3/16 inches (hips). Her weight is 7 1/4 ounces. And, despite much discussion and controversy, Barbie(R) is in fact just an 11 1/2 inch doll ... or is she?”

GRANNIES WHO CAN’T BE BOTHERED

2009-03-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

Joanne Kaufman’s article in the March 5 issue of The New York Times is headlined “When Grandma Can’t Be Bothered,” and starts off with what seems to me like a clear exaggeration: “For every Marian Robinson, who retired from her job to take full-time care of her grandchildren, Malia and Sasha Obama… there is a Judy Connors, who loves her two grandchildren but has no interest in Candy Land, peekaboo or bedtime stories.” The piece goes on to talk about grandmothers who are adamantly uninvolved.

This article feels like a man-bites-dog story, in which a writer discusses something so unusual that it’s of special interest. Sure, there are hands-off grandmothers, and I’ve heard of a few, but from my reading, experience, and contacts, they’re far fewer in number than the Marian Robinsons of this world. Of course, many of today’s grandmothers cannot leave their jobs to raise grandchildren full-time, but in the process of writing my book, SUPER GRANNY: GREAT STUFF TO DO WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS, I have met many working grannies who offer part-time care, or who manage to find time to pitch in when needed at odd hours and days.

As I was researching my book, I signed up for a free service offered by Google, called “Google Alerts.” To bring me news about grandparents and grandchildren, the robots at Google comb newspapers around the U.S. and abroad for stories about “grand” doings, and send a daily report. Reading these reports, I was impressed by how involved today’s grandmothers are with this younger generation. Despite the fact that a great many of today’s grannies have important jobs themselves, perform valuable community services, pursue time-consuming hobbies, and often live far away, the great majority of them are there for their children and grandchildren, and find many ways to have fun with them.

One of the women quoted by Ms. Kaufman said, “I raised two children whom I love dearly . . . I was a stay-at-home mom. Then I discovered when I started my own career that there was a whole other world out there.” Hello??? This woman seems to frame the issue as an all-or-nothing affair, which seems to be an extremely rare way of looking at it. I don’t judge hands-off grandmothers for their choices, but I do think that those who have this kind of attitude are depriving themselves of some glorious experiences. To read the New York Times article, go to:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/05/fashion/05grandparents-1.html?_r=1&scp=4&sq=Joanne%20Kaufman&st=cse

TEA PARTY MANNERS

2009-02-26T14:56:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder how you can teach manners to your rambunctious preschool grandchildren without coming across like a disciplinarian? You can take a leaf from the program at the Escuela Preschool in Minot, North Dakota, where four- and five-year-olds invited their grandparents to a tea party.

At Escuela, the children’s teacher, Paula Simonson, put on a hat and let the children choose hats for themselves and for their grandparents. Then Ms. Simonson sat with the youngsters, teaching them how to hold a teacup correctly, how to nibble on a cookie, and how to talk politely with their grandparents. She even suggested conversational topics that the children could raise with the older generation, like the weather – or asking Grandma “how she’s feeling after her gallbladder operation.”

This is a great activity that any of us grands can do with our own little ones. In fact, two of the grannies whose stories I tell in SUPER GRANNY did something similar. Once a year Patti takes her six granddaughters to a teahouse that has a huge trunk full of fur boas and other dress-up items, “where they get a chance to use their good table manners.” And about once a week Carol hosts her grandsons at a festively set table (including animal-face paper plates) and has conversations ranging from favorite colors to the solar system.

I was so tickled recently to see, at the Dolphin Bookshop here in Port Washington, MANNERS CAN BE FUN, the Munro Leaf book about manners that I had when my daughters were small – and that I even remember from my own childhood. I think this is the one that taught me to cover my mouth when I yawned, by showing a huge open mouth. There are a lot of things I don’t remember – but this is one that I do. It made quite an impression – and I’m glad this childhood classic is still being published, sold, and teaching manners in a delightful way.

REVISITING CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

2009-02-17T14:57:00.000-08:00

Nina, 9, and Anna, 16, came to visit this weekend -- and we made the chocolate cake in a mug. We benefited from the suggestions of other grannies -- to spray the inside of the mug before baking, to mix the ingredients in a separate bowl -- and to decrease the time of zapping in the microwave. We baked the cakes for 2 minutes each and also fooled around a little bit with the ingredients after Anna was horrified at one cake calling for 3 Tablespoons of oil. She cut it down, I think to 1 Tbsp, and both cakes, which we made separately, turned out fine. Each one was plenty for two people, especially with scoops of ice cream. The best part was peering through the microwave window and watching the cake rise suddenly and magically above the top of the mug. Thanks to all the grannies who did this before we did! Always good to stand on the shoulders of giants in the kitchen.

100 Things I Have Done in My Life

2009-02-15T14:08:00.000-08:00

I found this on Grandma Henke's blog, which she found on Alice’s blog, which she found on another blog. So it's gone viral. I loved ticking off the things I've done (especially running a marathon at age 60 & bungy jumping -- at 70+), and planning to do some of the others. Check it out!

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

FORGOT HER SCHOOL BOOK? NO PROBLEM

2009-02-13T11:28:00.000-08:00

They say that when you forget something at someone's house, that means you want to go back again. So the good thing about grandchildren forgetting things when they come to visit means that you know they'll be back. The bad thing, though, is when they forget something important for school or after-school activities that they need the next day -- and they live too far away to come back for it. What do you do?

What we did, at my daughter Nancy's suggestion, when Nina forgot her piano lesson book, was this: I scanned the two pages she would need into my computer and then I emailed the pages as attachments to Nancy. She got it within minutes, Nina was able to practice, and I gained a new appreciation for the confluence of technology and grandparenting.

MORE ON CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE FROM ONE GRANNY WHO MADE IT

2009-02-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

A follow-up from Diane, a friend of the friend who originally sent this to me. (I'm still waiting for a grandchild visit so we can do it together.)

"This definitely works. And, the visual - through the microwave window - is outstanding and will astound any child (and adult!). [See the wonderful photo
she sent]

My microwave nuked it when it went for 3 minutes. I cut it back to 2:45 and next time will try 2:35.
I didn't add chocolate chips
I used a cocoa that had sugar in it.
There is always gunk in the bottom of the mug that is hard to get out.
I used a small dish to mix the egg and liquids - just made it easier for a 8 year old.
The end result is more science than gourmet cooking - the cake tastes like anything baked too long in a microwave. However, add a scoop of ice cream and it's quite yummy! Don't let it cool - it's hard."

Thanks, Diane!

MAKING FIVE MINUTES COUNT!

2009-02-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

I love it when I learn from younger generations. One of my new gurus is Lisa Zaslow, a professional organizer whom I have known since she was a little girl playing with my little girl. Lisa can see how busy her mom (my friend Fran, who is quoted in SUPER GRANNY) is -- between grandchildren, work, and play -- and so Lisa understands that today's grannies are not sitting around twiddling our thumbs until our grandchildren call or visit. We make the time for them -- and that means making the most of the time we have available. One way to do this is to be productive about the tiniest chunks of time.

One of Lisa's regular free e-bulletins emphasized the usefulness of thinking about our lives in 5-minute intervals. Recognize yourself when she says, "This is particularly useful for people with short attention spans and who like variety"? Here are some of her suggestions (and mine) for what you can do in 5 minutes:
* Make a to-do list.
* Pick the most important thing on today's list and spend 5 minutes moving it forward, by, say, making a phone call, sending an e-mail, creating a spreadsheet, or starting a file.
* Make a list of things you can do in 5 minutes.
* As the first item write "Make a list." Then you can cross that one off right away!
* Recharge your batteries by meditating, having a healthy snack, or doing a few jumping jacks.
* Throw out the pens and pencils that you hate, that you never use, and that don’t work.
* Delete a few old emails.
* Enter a new contact into your database or Rolodex.
* Water your plants.
* Send a joke to a grandchild.
* Or, as I just did, put a new post on your blog.
* Choose one tip. Set a timer for 5 minutes. See how much better you feel.
* Use this handy internet timer: http://www.vickiblackwell.com/timer.html

Lisa Zaslow is the founder of www.GothamOrganizers.com and is a nationally recognized expert and speaker on organization and productivity. Lisa helps individuals and businesses to be more productive, more organized and less stressed. Her expertise is regularly featured on television on shows including HGTV’s Mission: Organization and in publications including The New York Times, Real Simple, and Entrepreneur. Lisa is the author of “Can’t I Just Shred It All? 101 Quick Tips to File – and Find – Your Important Papers”, available at www.101FilingTips.com. Contact Lisa at (212)866-9493 or info@GothamOrganizers.com

Happy Chinese New Year!

2009-01-25T10:21:00.000-08:00

As a grandmother, I love China. When Mark & I went there a few years ago, we saw grandparents everywhere taking care of their grandchildren. My favorite was a village woman carrying twin 1-year-olds on her back, with both babies wearing the split pants popular there. And whenever we had the littlest problem, our Chinese guides told us to emphasize our advanced age, since this is one part of the world that still venerates age and the aging.

So I’m looking forward to celebrating Chinese New Year. The holiday begins on Monday, January 26, but don’t worry if you can’t celebrate tomorrow -- celebrations typically last 2 to 4 weeks. In China celebrations used to last that long because farmers couldn’t plant crops during the winter anyway, but now that so many Chinese live in cities, celebrations usually run about two weeks. Like Jewish holidays, Chinese New Year is dictated by the lunar calendar (based on phases of the moon – rather than the solar calendar, which has a fixed number of days – 365 or 366), it never falls on the same day from year to year.

Families clean their houses before the New Year to get rid of bad luck from the year before and accept good luck for the new year; they buy and wear new clothes; and children get little red envelopes with money in them to assure prosperity in the year ahead.

Eating is always a good way to celebrate – either in your favorite Chinese restaurant or at home. For some good, easy recipes you can go to: http://recipes.kaboose.com/international/chinese-food-recipes/chinese-recipes.html. Symbolic foods include dumplings (because they look like golden nuggets" says Daria Ng), oranges ("because they are perfectly round, symbolizing completeness and wholeness"), and long noodles ("served to symbolize long life").

For other ways to celebrate at home, including craft ideas, books for kids, and popular traditions, go to http://holidays.kaboose.com/celebrating-chinese-new-year-home.html. In cities with sizable Chinese populations, you can often see wonderful parades. We have taken our grandchildren to New York’s Chinatown parade featuring fireworks, marching bands, and the “lion dance,” in which several dancers get under a long decorated costume and dance together to scare away bad luck.

So I wish you all a Happy New Year!

5-MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE RECIPE

2009-01-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

The following recipe came from a friend (who didn't make it) who got it from a friend of hers (who didn't make it). And I haven't made it yet either. I'm waiting for a visit from a grandchild so we can make it together. I can hardly wait. Meanwhile, I'm putting it out here so that one of you grannies reading this can get inspired -- and can tell me whether it's really as good as it sounds. Also, if anyone knows where it originated, I'd like to give credit where credit is due.

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

TREASURING FAMILY HISTORY

2009-01-18T08:59:00.001-08:00

On Tuesday, as I watched the inauguration of Barack Obama on TV with a group of fellow Obama supporters, I wore a silver medal with the profile of Abraham Lincoln on the front. Around the edges of the medallion are the words: "WITH MALICE TOWARD NONE, WITH CHARITY FOR ALL" and the date Feb. 12, 1809. On the other side of the medal are the words "Awarded by the Public Ledger to Sam Wendkos for Merit in Essay on Abraham Lincoln -- 1909." (These days I need a magnifying glass to read the writing.) Exactly 100 years ago, at the age of 10, my father won this medal from a Philadelphia newspaper for an essay that he wrote for a contest held 100 years after Lincoln's birth.

It's especially meaningful to be wearing it now, 200 years after Lincoln's birth, to the inauguration of our 44th president, a man who could never have been elected to this position without Lincoln's role in our country's history -- and who speaks often of his debt to and connection with this 15th president of our United States.

My heart bursts with pride. And it bursts with gratitude, too, to the two women who guarded this small treasure: my grandmother, Dora Wendkos, who saved this medal and eventually passed it on to my children's grandmother, my mother, Leah Wendkos, who saved it for so many years and then passed it on to me. I treasure it and plan to pass it on to my daughters and to their children. I'm sure one of those will value it as much as I do. And so I see an important role for us grandmothers -- to protect and preserve important family memories and heirlooms.

WONDER WHERE YOUR MONEY WENT?

2009-01-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

According to Stephanie Azzarone, president of Child's Play Communications (a marketing firm that specializes in products appealing to moms), at a recent Marketing to Moms conference, a speaker from www.grandparents.com (a great website!) reported that a recent study found that the typical grandparent spends nearly $1700 on every new grandchild in the baby’s first year of life.

The first grandchild gets most of the booty, since first-time grandparents outspend repeat grandparents by about 25%. Furthermore, many grandparents create their own nursery in their own home, complete with baby furniture (69%), diapers (54%) and baby food (57%). And the more grandchildren you have, the more likely you are to spoil them. So we grandparents certainly seem to be doing our bit to shore up the economy!

Bingo!

2009-01-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

What a treat – Last weekend Mark (Opa) & I went with our daughter, Nancy, and her daughters, Anna (16) and Nina (8), to the Pinegrove Dude Ranch in Kerhonkson, New York (www.pinegroveranch.com). A makeover from one of the old Catskill Mountains hotels (better known as the “borscht belt” and the launching of many a comedian’s career), Pinegrove turned out to be a great place for intergenerational fun, with something for everyone.

One horseback ride per person per day was included in the overall price, and you could sometimes get an extra ride by going standby. A few years ago when Mark and I rode horses in the Camargue delta in Provence, I used my best high-school French to plead for the oldest, calmest, slowest horse they had. Here at Pinegrove, because of the snow on the ground, all the horses walked slowly along the trail, and I didn’t need to know any horsemanship other than the basic talk we all got at the beginning of the 40-minute ride.

Nancy and the girls, all good swimmers, spent a lot of finger-wrinkling time in the heated indoor pool – but since it’s hard to heat the pool room on cold winter days up to the sweltering tropical heat I require to get wet, I just served as the cheering section. Mark & I played ping-pong and got most of our exercise picking up the balls that went wildly around the room. We needed the exercise after what felt like nonstop eating -- besides the breakfast and dinner served in the dining room, lunch and snacks were available all day and evening. At night we watched cowboy Chris McDaniel do his amazing rope tricks, some with volunteers from the audience.

Anna and Nina played laser tag and ping-pong, Anna shot pool and (almost) entered the hula hoop contest. Then there was snow tubing, which they all did; ski instruction on a little hill (since when do people ski without poles?); arts and crafts; bucket toss; the fitness center where I checked out the treadmill and watched the snow coming down outside; and Bingo, where Nina won Pinegrove dollars that she happily spent in the gift shop.

Bingo was a revelation to me. I hadn’t played since I was in school, and I hadn’t realized that there were so many different ways to play. Also new to me were the cards we used, on which you could cover called-out numbers just by pushing a closure tab -- a lot easier than keeping track of markers that always seemed to slide off their proper place, which is what I remember. For any family reunion or good-sized group of any age, the variations (which you can find by googling “Bingo variations”) make the game more fun. First we played standard Bingo. Then “H” Bingo, where you have to cover all the numbers in the first and fifth columns and the center row to make the letter “H.” Then a couple of other variations, and finally elimination Bingo, in which the goal was to be the last person in the game with no numbers covered. Anyone who had a number called out on his or her board was eliminated immediately. Here’s where Nina was the big winner. But after a fun weekend together, we all felt like winners.

GRANDPARENTING BOOK REVIEW #1

2008-12-27T11:43:00.000-08:00

Although I (immodestly) think that every grandmother should have a copy of my book, SUPER GRANNY: GREAT STUFF TO DO WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS, I would also like to bring to your attention some of the other great books about grandparenting. Probably the most authoritative one for general readers is THE GRANDPARENT GUIDE: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO COPING WITH THE CHALLENGES OF MODERN GRANDPARENTING by Arthur Kornhaber, M.D. (Contemporary Books/McGraw-Hill, 2002)

Although this comprehensive book was published more than six years ago, it has managed to stay remarkably helpful and relevant. Written by a grandfather who is the leading authority about grandparenthood today, it covers more than fifty topics, including such contemporary issues as long-distance grandparenting, relationships with the grandchildren’s parents, divorce – of parents and of grandparents, stepgrandparents, legal issues around grandparent visitation rights, and gay and lesbian grandparents.

Despite the huge minute by minute changes in technology these days, Dr. Kornhaber covered most of the basics of becoming computer-literate -- to be able to email, take and send digital photos, and play computer games. And recognizing that no book can stay up-to-date in the fast evolving world of cyberspace, the author refers readers to several websites to find current information. (Even though SUPER GRANNY was as current as possible at the time of writing, I too send readers to websites to stay current.)

One website dear to Dr. Kornhaber’s heart is www.grandparenting.com, which takes you to the Foundation for Grandparenting, which he founded more than thirty years ago, to promote the importance of grandparenting. It explores ways that elders can apply their wisdom and experience to help their own children and grandchildren, as well as the wider community. The foundation conducts and reports on research about the grandparent-parent-grandchild bond and its far-reaching effects. It also sponsors such national and international programs as grandparenting conferences, grandparent-grandchild summer camps, hospital programs for expectant grandparents, and Grandparent Days in schools.

FOR LONG-DISTANCE GRANNIES

2008-12-26T13:45:00.000-08:00

Certain events and times of the year – school concerts, soccer games, piano recitals, and of course, the holidays – are the hardest for us grandmothers who would love to be near our grandchildren. We’ve learned by this stage of life that we can’t always get what we want. Fortunately there is email, and even if we can’t hug our grandchildren in person we can communicate and stay close through cyberspace. I love the email correspondence that I have with my own grandchildren, but I have to say that they all started sending messages quite a bit later than four-year-old Henry, who lives with his little sister, Molly, and his parents in Chicago. Henry and Molly have two faraway grandmothers, one in New York and the other even farther away in Auckland, New Zealand. Fortunately they love to get on the computer and send messages to each other. And sometimes deciphering the messages is part of the fun.

One recent email from Henry to Susan (the NZ granny) read: “hi susan im in belinhim henry.” Susan wrote back “Can you tell me something more about belinhim?” and got this reply: “no susan because just are friends house henry.” Susan explained the mystery: “It was really quite simple when Lizzie [Henry’s mother] explained it. They had driven to a nearby town called Bellingham and stayed the night with friends.”

After Susan sent recipes to Henry (who likes to cook), he wrote back: “hi susan here is a recipe for you okay 50 cups honey 12 cups eggs 1 cup eggs 49 tablespoons carrots.” Sounds good, doesn’t it? The sweetest part, of course, is the connection between Susan and Henry, and Susan’s ability to follow Henry’s developing thought processes and personality.

And a recent email to Fran (the NY granny) read: “hi mommy and meema [Fran] and emma and susan and emily when are you going to come over except my mom because that one is in my family-henry,” followed by “12345678910) (11) 1213141516171819) (20) 212223242526272829) (30) 3132) 33343536373839) 40 414243444546474849) (50) + 50 = 100 –henry.” It shouldn’t come as any surprise to learn that both Henry’s parents are mathematicians.

But now Henry’s latest email to Fran (“MEMMA DO YOU KNOW THIS SONG SAUZAHALECHOOASAWNASZA”) makes me wonder if he’s a musician as well as a math whiz. Do any of you readers know this song??? It’s a mystery to Fran – and to me.

Happy Emailing – and Happy New Year!

SAFE TOYS

2008-12-14T13:50:00.000-08:00

The last thing in the world any grandmother wants to give for Christmas is a toy that could harm a child. But some toys contain dangerous chemicals like lead, arsenic, cadmium, and PVC. When the Ecology Center, a nonprofit organization based in Michigan tested more than 1500 popular children's toys, they found that one in three of the toys they tested had either medium or high levels of chemicals "of concern."

So the organization Moms Rising (www.momsrising.org) put information on its database giving the chemical test results for many safe toys. To find out whether the toy you have in mind is safe, go to www.momsrising.org/healthytoys, and type in the name of the toy. Or if you're already in the store, search the database from your cell phone. Text "healthytoys[name of toy you're interested in], and send your message to 41411. The information about the toy will pop up – unless, like me, you have previously asked your mobile phone provider to block “Premium Messaging,” because I had been receiving spam texts. To be sure, it’s best to check the website before you leave home, to see that we grand-helpers to Santa will be sure that whatever toys we give the kids this year will be safe and healthy – and hopefully, something that they will love to play with!

STILL ANOTHER OBAMA GRANDMOTHER IN THE NEWS

2008-12-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

Keeping up with her American counterparts in newsworthiness, Kenyan Sarah Obama, the President-elect’s stepgrandmother, “flagged” the 2008 World AIDS Marathon on December 1 in Kisumu, Kenya. By holding up the Kenyan flag and then waving it down, she officially launched the 26.2-mile race. Mama Sarah also cut the ribbon at the ceremony for the new park which the Kisumu World AIDS Marathon Group donated from funds received from last year’s marathon.

The third wife of Obama’s grandfather, Mama Sarah is not a blood relative of the President-Elect, but he calls her "Granny Sarah." Since she speaks Luo and only a few words of English, she communicates with her eminent grandson through an interpreter. Like any other granny, she is a fierce defender of her grandchild, and during his campaign she protested attempts to portray Barack as a foreigner or a Muslim, saying that while her husband, Obama's grandfather, had been a Muslim, "In the world of today, children have different religions from their parents."

At 86 Mama Sarah is still going strong, tending her own small farm and raising chickens. Mama Sarah was happy to leave her village, Kogelo, to go to Kisumu to take part in the marathon, saying, “I feel greatly privileged to be invited because my grandson is very concerned about the ravages of HIV.” One reason that the Richard M. Brodsky Foundation and its fellow sponsors have held the World Aids Marathon in Kenya for the past few years is that, aside from arguably being the unofficial world capital of running, Kenya is one of only two African countries that reduced the rate of new HIV cases between 2003 and 2005.

Besides sponsoring the marathon, the foundation raises awareness about AIDS and offers many kinds of help, including giving medicine to and hosting dinners for AIDS orphans; providing meals, lodging, and entry fees for Kenyans unable to afford the marathon entry fee; funding orphanages, AIDS and cancer research, and help to people living with HIV. As Foundation president Richard Brodsky says, “We offer the orphans a window of hope.”

I met Richard at a local 5-kilometer run here on Long Island, read his moving book about his own life as a person living with HIV, and am greatly impressed by the efforts he has made to help vanquish this deadly epidemic. For more information about his foundation’s work and the World Aids Marathon and to donate, go to www.worldaidsmarathon.com.

CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT THE COMMERCIALS

2008-12-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Yes, Virginia, there are ways to have a good time with your grandchildren without spending their inheritance before the end of the year. In addition to the suggestions I made in my last post, you can find a host of new, original, inexpensive activities that can bring the kind of closeness we all want with our grandkids.

One terrific resource is the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. This national coalition of health care professionals, educators, advocacy groups, parents, and individuals who care about children is devoted to limiting the impact of commercial culture on children, and has just produced the free, downloadable "CCFC Guide to Commercial-free Holidays."

Download it by going to:
http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/pdf/CommercialFreeHolidayGuide.pdf. Here you’ll find such great ideas as:
• taking a grandchild to a grocery store to buy fixings for a complete holiday meal and then taking those fixings to a local food bank
• giving a toddler one of your old purses and filling it with comb, old wallet, fake jewelry, change purse with loose change, band-aids, and other items like the ones she’d find in your purse
• making little coupons that are good for, say, a day’s shopping with you (sure to be popular with teenage girls, and not too pricey if you set limits ahead of time), or a movie and lunch, a hike, a trip to see holiday decorations, or some other shared activity
• making your own play-dough and giving plastic knives and other small inexpensive implements to use with it.
• And more, enough to keep you busy all season long.

GIFTS FOR GRANDKIDS

2008-12-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

This holiday season many grandparents are saddened by the fact that they can’t give the same lavish presents to the same number of grandchildren that they have given in years past. In flusher times some might have shelled out for a Wii to play games with their grandchildren or a camcorder to visit with them across the miles (both of which I write about in SUPER GRANNY). But in today’s economy more will be inspired by the gift-giving practice of another granny I interviewed for the book – taking her grandkids to the local Goodwill or Salvation Army store and telling them to pick out “anything you want.”

You can show your love for your grandchildren in loads of ways without running up a huge credit card bill and buying into the high-priced “commercial clutter” advertised on TV. The best gift, of course, is your time. The things you do together are the memories that your grandchildren are most likely to cherish in years to come. You can take them on simple trips to local museums, performances, or skating rinks. You can do crafts activities together and then leave the finished products with the child. You can bake cookies together – just because it seems like a stereotyped “granny” activity doesn’t mean it isn’t fun even for modern grands and kids. Especially if you bake a grandchild's favorite kind and decorate them with pizazz.

And for long-distance grandmothers, there are other ways to show you care. You can send an addition to a collection – a special stamp, a postcard, newly minted state quarters. You can send seeds or bulbs, with the promise of working on them together the next time you visit. You can send funny cards or emails, tell jokes and riddles over the phone, and for the little ones, record yourself reading a book and send the cassette or CD along with a copy of the book. Many of the classic children’s books are available in low-priced paperback versions.

And always remember: We don’t stop playing because we grow old – we grow old because we stop playing.

GRANNY CARE IS SAFEST CARE

2008-11-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

It's a familiar refrain to many of us grannies who take care of our grandchildren from time to time -- or even most of the time. "Careful! Do it this way! Are you sure you'll be all right? Here's the [3-page, single-spaced] list of what to do. Mom!" And so on and so on.

Have they forgotten that we've raised at least one child to adulthood? Do they think that just because we became grandmothers we've lost every drop of smarts? Do they think we're hopelessly mired in the past and that we can't cope with today's children? That we don't read newspapers and learn new tricks of the child-caring trade? Plenty of times the answer is an emphatic YES.

Grandparenting workshops make the same assumption when they tell us how to put babies to sleep (on the back, not the tummy), how to strap them into car seats (very securely -- duh!), what temperature to make the bath water (not too hot, not too cold -- just right). Even academics have voiced the concern that older relatives like us are too incompetent to take care of kids. As one put it: "Recent growth in the number of grandparents providing childcare has some observers concerned they don't adhere to modern safety practices."

And yet -- and yet – these same academics have now told us that we do a great job! Children are safest when Granny watches them. Yes, safer than daycare, safer than other relatives, even safer than Mommy. Researchers from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health followed more than 5500 newborns in 15 U.S. cities until the children were 30 to 33 months old. They kept track of who took care of the children and of all the doctor and emergency room visits for causes ranging from "cut face," to "drank paint thinner," to "fall from shopping cart." Scary stuff -- especially since injury is the leading cause of childhood deaths in the U.S. After adding up all the data, grandmothers came out way ahead: children cared for by a granny have half the risk of injury than kids in those other situations.

Check it out. The article is in the November issue of "Pediatrics," the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. The lead author of the study is Professor David Bishai, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H. of Johns Hopkins, and you can access a summary of the study findings at: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/122/5/e980.

FIRST GRANNY

2008-11-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

Another grandmother in the next First Family is now in the news. When the Obamas move to Washington in January, they’ll be taking Michelle Obama’s mother with them. Marian Robinson, 71, described as “the most important addition to the new White House team,” has taken care of Malia, ten, and Sasha, seven, while their parents campaigned, and she’ll continue to give grandmotherly care after President-elect Obama takes office. This will be the first time in living memory that three generations of a new presidential family will have moved together to the capital.

Like other caregiving grannies, Mrs. Robinson has been driving the girls to school, gymnastics, ballet and soccer practice; and supervising their homework. She has also prepared many meals, which sometimes have consisted of fried chicken, cooked by her own recipe. One of the casualties of her sudden ascension to the limelight is the secrecy of her recipe. Journalists have pried loose some of her closely held secrets, including using crumbled Ritz crackers in the batter, bathing the chicken pieces in ice water before frying to make it crispier, adding salt literally, and using “lots of oil.” Now, I wonder whether the Presidential chef will be able to make it as well, or will Granny have to go into the White House kitchen herself?

And although Grandma mostly pays attention to their mom’s strictures, she doesn’t always limit the girls to only one hour of TV a day or make sure they go to bed by 8:30. She has said, “I have candy, they stay up late – come to my house, they watch TV as long as they want to, we’ll play games until the wee hours. I do everything that grandmothers do that they’re not supposed to.” There is something about granny privilege.

OBAMA’S GRANDMA

2008-11-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

He called her “Toot” – short for “Tutu,” the Hawaiian word for grandmother. He often acknowledged Madelyn Dunham as the woman who helped to raise him in Hawaii while his single mother worked abroad. “Toot’s” last acknowledgment of him before her death this month at 88 was the absentee ballot she mailed in to add her vote to the millions that elected her grandson to become the 44th President of the United States. She died before the election, but she probably knew in her heart that he would prevail.

When Barack Obama heard how very ill his beloved grandmother was, he interrupted his presidential campaign to go to her side. Another, lesser man might have said, “The campaign has only a few more days to go – I’ll wait and go to see her then. She’ll understand.” But in a sign of smart and compassionate decision making, he knew that the time to go was now, he flew to her side, and he was able to see her one last time.

Like many other grandparents raising grandchildren, Madelyn Dunham exerted an important influence on the young Barack. He has acknowledged her as having had an impact that “was meaningful and enduring.” According to the blog “Hawaii Insider,” a relationship like theirs is described by the Hawaiian word “‘ohana,” which means “family,” and comes from “‘oha,” which means the offshoot of the taro root, the staple food of Hawaii. Family, then, is a place to feed each other and to be fed. As one Hawaiian proverb has it, “Ike aku, ‘ike mai, kokua aku, kokua mai; pela iho la ka nohana ‘ohana,” or “Recognize others, be recognized, help others, be helped; such is a family relationship.” I couldn’t think of a better explanation for the meaning of family.

WHEN GRANNY STANDS IN FOR MOMMY

2008-11-06T04:58:00.000-08:00

When my friend and colleague Ruth Duskin Feldman of Highland Park, Illinois took two small grandsons and one granddaughter to “Moms and Tots” classes starting some nineteen years ago, she was the only grandmother in the class. At the time she didn’t realize what a trend-setter she was. This year, after finding nine out of ten children in one class accompanied by their grandmothers, the owner of one children’s gym on Long Island (New York) renamed its “Mommy and Me” classes “Anyone and Me.” Who are the “anyones”? Mostly grandmothers.

Grandma Ruth took over the care of Daniel, and then his younger brother, Emmett, two days a week so that her daughter, Laurie, could work part-time. From the time each of the boys was six months old, Ruth regularly picked them up and brought them to her home, an arrangement that worked out well for everyone. Mom and Dad went to work with an easy mind, knowing their children were being well cared for; Grandma built a close relationship with the children, while not sacrificing her own writing career; the children had loving, caring family around them all the time; and Grandpa got quality grandkid time too.

Even after Laurie’s daughter, Rita, was born and Laurie was home full-time, Ruth picked up the children at least one day a week and took them to classes. (When Ruth’s other five grandchildren were infants, they all lived too far away for Ruth to share parenting in the same way.)

Ruth expressed the value of shared parenting in an article she wrote for New Choices Magazine: “I’m not Daniel’s mother, but I am a partner in guiding his development. Because I’m his grandmother, what I do with him goes beyond babysitting – beyond keeping him fed, dry and out of danger. I wonder how many babysitters are willing to shop for just the right toy or seek out neighborhood playmates and compare notes with their parents. Daniel and I are not merely passing time together a few times a week: we’re building a relationship that’s important for both of us.”

This super granny says, “Grandparent care is an old idea whose time has come again.” She agrees with the observation by Amy Goyer, national coordinator for the AARP Grandparent Program, that as more grandparents these days assume this role, “they are becoming guiding forces in their grandchildren’s lives.”

Grandparents who care for grandchildren either part- or full-time can find a wealth of resources, including the Foundation for Grandparenting, www.grandparenting.org, and Generations United, www.GU.org. Also, you can find more help by searching the Internet for “grandparents raising grandchildren.”

Minimum Wage for Grandparents

2008-11-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

Whenever I’m visiting another city, or another country, I pick up a local newspaper to see what’s on people’s minds there. Last month when Mark and I were in Greece with our daughter and grandson, I found an English edition of Kathimerini, published in Athens.

The October 4-5 issue ran a little story that gladdened my heart, headlined “Bulgarian government to pay pensioners to babysit grandchildren as of January 1.” The story went on to relate how, starting January 2009, pensioners (retired people) will be paid the minimum wage for looking after their grandchildren when they take over child care when the parents return to work.

The Bulgarian Parliament just passed this amendment to the country’s Employment Encouragement law “to help young parents better combine their professional and family engagements.” The amendment allows grandparents to look after a child during its first three years in return for a 240-leva (123 euros, or 156 dollars at current exchange rates) bonus to their pensions, which equals Bulgaria’s minimum wage.

In 2006, in an effort to raise the country’s falling birth rate, Bulgaria introduced measures allowing parents to take 315 days’ leave, the longest in Europe, while continuing to earn 90 percent of their salaries. Wouldn’t both these laws be a godsend here for parents and grandparents!

Traveling with a Grandchild

2008-10-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

I have traveled several times with my grandchildren, ranging in age from 10 months through 19 years, most of the time with the children’s mothers as well. Last month my husband, Mark, and I traveled with Stefan, our firstborn grandchild, now 25 years old – and yes, also with his mother, our daughter, Jenny.

This latest trip was quite different from the others, consisting, as it did, of four adults traveling together. Although Mark and I had made the basic plans for our week’s trip to Greece – where we would go and where we would stay, once we were traveling our decisions were joint ones among the four of us. We all had a say in where to eat, what to do, which sights to visit, and how to get to them. And it was a delight to see how much Stefan’s presence added to our enjoyment of the trip. For one thing, we appreciated his strong young muscles as he helped us wrestle our suitcase up and down stairs, on and off the Metro, and into and out of tiny old-fashioned hotel elevators. But probably his biggest asset was his winning personality. He made a lovely new friend at a museum in Athens who was good company as she spent the evening with us. Then he found us the perfect guide to take us around the Greek island of Naxos for an unusual tour of the natural world on this lovely island. And throughout the week whenever we needed to make a telephone call for information, Stefan handled the job.

Another contribution from Stefan was a game he brought with him, which livened conversation around tables and on bus and ferry trips. Called "Black Stories," this German-language game has cards that posit a situation and give a few facts about it -- and then everyone except the person who has read the back of the card guesses what could have led to the outcome. I have looked for this game in English but haven't been successful. If anyone knows about anything similar, I'd love to hear about it.

Years before, we had been thrilled the first times each of our daughters outgrew the constant need to be cared for and supervised, and showed us how much they could contribute to our lives. Now it’s exciting to see the same kind of development and giving back occurring with our grandchildren.

When Grandchildren Help Plan a Trip

2008-10-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

Since several of the super grannies I interviewed for my book SUPER GRANNY (due out in March and now in page proofs) told me about trips they had taken with their grandchildren, I was delighted to talk with Heather Larson as she was researching her article on involving children in planning a trip.

I was especially happy to tell Heather the story about Dee Poujade of Oregon, whose seven-year-old granddaughter, Michaela, did so much of the planning for their glorious week in London. Some of the other ideas in Heather’s article involved going to a place where a child has written a school report, involving children in your own hobbies, and capitalizing on their interest in favorite books.

To read Heather’s lively article, which was posted earlier this month on the really helpful site, www.grandparents.com, go to: http://www.grandparents.com/gp/printarticle/travel/travel-tips/article/getaways-that-grandchildren-can-plan.html

The gift of being a grandmother

2008-10-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month I came across a beautiful paean to grandmothering. It was posted on the online site of Mothering Magazine and written by author and grandmother Angela Rossmanith. To access the entire article, go to: http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/inspiration/another-kind-of-gift.html. Meanwhile, though, here’s a little taste of a discovery that so many grandparents can relate to:
“I loved my children, and of course I still do and always will, but this love I have for my grandchild is a source of enormous wonder to me. From the moment I saw her, very new and tiny, this little girl has revealed to me a fresh dimension of life, a deepening and broadening of perspective. She has been a great and gracious gift.”
Then Rossmanith goes on to tell several lyrical stories about the gifts that grandmothers give to their grandchildren. Reading them makes me realize that some of the memories our grandchildren have of us are not the ones we would have thought made an impression, but here as in so much else in life we can’t predict what becomes important to someone else.
I plan to ask my grandchildren about some of their memories of me. I’m very curious to find out what they say. Fortunately, I’m still around to keep making memories. In my next posting I’ll talk about some of the most recent memories that I hope will stay with the grandchildren.

Celebrating Birthdays

2008-09-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

This is a big birthday month in our family. Last week I had a big birthday and was thrilled to be celebrating it with my family, at least the ones who live in the United States. Mark and I went out for dinner with daughters Nancy and Dorri, granddaughters Anna and Nina, Dorri’s boyfriend, Steve, my dear cherished friend of many years, Mickey, and her daughter, Rifka (whom I first met when she was 18 months old and my oldest was 12 months). I loved the poems that Anna and Nina wrote for me and the photo montage of family and friends that Dorri created. It was a casual get-together where we went to a little restaurant, ordered loads of hors d’oeuvres and light entrees and passed everything around the table, so we all had tastes of everything. And I got to talk a little bit with everyone – good tastes there too. Which is how I like to live life – enjoying little tastes of lots of experiences.

Now next week Mark and I will be celebrating with our daughter Jenny, who’s having a big birthday herself, and this time we’ll be enjoying eating experiences (along with other experiences -- but eating certainly is a big part of most celebrations!) with Jenny and her three children. Aside from family meals and a special dinner out, by tradition in the little town where she lives (and maybe throughout Germany), birthdays are celebrated with kaffeetrinken – wonderful home baked cakes and coffee in the mid- to late- afternoon, enjoyed with family and close friends. Maybe we’ll even eat the brownies I baked after special requests from Maika and Lisa (no nuts) and Jenny (yes, nuts). So I made both kinds, and again we’ll have choices – and tastes.

It’s hard to live so far away from children and grandchildren, especially around special occasions, but we’re very lucky that we can stay in touch in so many ways – free or cheap ways to phone, along with email, of course, and even an occasional postcard or letter – which usually takes only two or three days to travel between New York and Germany. My birthday card from grandson Stefan came in the form of a note in a bottle – only the bottle was designed to carry postage and to be mailed – a little more reliable than dropping the bottle in the Atlantic. Of course, we’re even luckier that we can make occasional visits there and that they can come here – not as often as we all would like, but precious when they do occur.

So I won’t be writing in these pages for a few weeks, and meanwhile I send good wishes and happy celebrating to all grannies and grandkids – and to the generation in between.

Why Women Need to Vote

2008-09-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

I am very excited about a recent family development. My eldest granddaughter, Maika, has just registered to vote in her first presidential election. I remember the first presidential election I voted in, in 1956 – my candidate didn’t win, but that didn’t discourage me from future voting – and I haven’t missed an election yet.

My mother was a witness to history. In 1920, the first year that women in the United States were allowed to vote, she was 20 years old and too young to cast a ballot, but she still told me that she celebrated that day. She knew how much other women had worked and dared and had suffered for that right for more than 70 years.

On November 15, 1917, which became known as the “Night of Terror, the warden at the Occoquan workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they had dared to picket Woodrow Wilson’s White House for the right to vote. Forty prison guards went on a rampage, using their clubs to beat the 33 women wrongly convicted of obstructing sidewalk traffic. (All the convictions were eventually overturned.) Lucy Burns was chained by her hands to the cell bars above her head, left hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air. Dora Lewis was knocked unconscious. When Alice Cosu, her cellmate, thought Dora was dead, she suffered a heart attack.

Their food was full of worms, which often floated to the surface of the thin soup they were given; their only water came from an open pail. The open toilets could be flushed only by a guard, who decided when to flush. When Alice Paul embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat, and poured liquids into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this three times a day for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press, and newspapers around the country reported what was happening. All the suffragists were released on November 27 and 28, 1917. Alice served five weeks.

Two grannies, a friend and a cousin, sent me an email with photos of these women. I appreciated the reminder. This story and more are told on the Women in History website, http://www.lkwdpl.org/wihohio/index.html, and in the HBO movie, now out on DVD, “Iron Jawed Angels.” I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to. After learning all of this, can any of us, and our daughters and granddaughters, fail to exercise our hard-won right to vote??? And to vote responsibly -- not because a candidate is good-looking or a woman or can tell a good story -- but because we honestly believe that this person will govern responsibly and well on the vitally important issues of the day.

INTERNET/NETWORKING GRANNIES

2008-08-30T11:55:00.000-07:00

One of the joys of writing this book(“Super Granny”) in this technological age is the number of super grannies I have connected with, some of whom have been so helpful to me. One granny whose blog I admired gave me practical help in setting up my own blog. Another gave me a recipe that my granddaughter loved making – and that we all enjoyed eating. And another helped to put me in touch with a woman I had known and admired years ago but had fallen out of touch with.

And now I had the chance to connect two of the grannies I interviewed for Super Granny. I was interviewed myself last week about how grandparents can involve their grandchildren in planning a trip. I immediately told the interviewer about Dee (whose story I tell in the book), who used some great ways to involve seven-year-old Michaela in planning their trip to London. When I then contacted Dee to tell her I had given her name to the interviewer, she told me she was now thinking about taking Michaela on an intergenerational Elderhostel trip, maybe to Costa Rica. I immediately thought of another interviewee, Shirley Bee, who had told me about taking her granddaughter, Kelsie Lee, on an Elderhostel trip to Costa Rica, and how much both generations enjoyed it. (Kelsie Lee told me so herself.) So I put Dee and Shirley Bee in touch with each other, Dee was able to ask questions, and Shirley Bee able to answer them and to share her enthusiasm for the trip.

It’s a whole new world for us grannies!

The magic of modern technology

2008-08-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

In case you're wondering who the people are in the photo on the rock -- there's my husband, Mark; my three daughters, Nancy, Jenny, and Dorri; and my five grandchildren, Stefan, Maika, Anna, Lisa, and Nina. And of course, granddog Buddy. All the grandchildren are always in my heart, but on this particular day last month, only four of them were with me in the flesh.

However, since Stefan wasn't there in person, he was there in my heart. And so I asked my daughter, Dorri, a whiz with PhotoShop, to make the picture complete. And so even though he was thousands of miles away at the time, here he is. Just shows that we can't accept photos as evidence of true events any more. I thought of this when I saw the photo published by the National Enquirer supposedly of Senator John Edwards holding a baby on his lap. Was he really doing this? Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes the camera does lie.

To go to the days before technology, it's nice to note where Stefan was when this photo was taken. He had gone to a temporary job found through his university, by which he worked part-time in Tuscany, Italy, for room and board. Fortunately, he was able to go to Florence when he finished his assignment, where he met my friend, Vinicia Russo Masi, who drove him around to show him the sights in this glorious city. Vinicia and I became friends over 50 years ago when we were students and would meet weekly, Vinicia to practice her English and I to practice my Italian. We stayed in touch, dropped out of touch, were brought together again when Dorri went to Italy, once again stayed close through the mail, and have been able to see each other occasionally in recent years. This is the first time she has met any of my grandchildren. It was a thrill to me to bring them together. Vinicia and I usually communicate the old-fashioned way, by mail and telephone. Happily, there's still a place for that in modern lives.

Volksmarching with grandchildren

2008-08-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

First of all, I have to tell everyone that if you tried to access my blog over the weekend and couldn't do it -- it wasn't MY fault or YOUR fault -- it was Blogger's. They had some computer glitches that knocked out a number of blogs, claiming they were "spam" blogs. Now here I am, a nice peaceful granny, accused of being a spammer! Fortunately, Blogger resolved the problem and restored my good name.

Today I received a note from Dena Nisenfeld Forster, a fellow alumna from the Philadelphia High School for Girls, and also a fellow grandmother. She sent some wonderful information about a great activity to do with your grandkids. I'm copying her note here with hopes that some of you will be inspired to take up volksmarching (a word derived from the German term for "people's walking").

>>My husband Stan and I have been actively involved with the American Volkssport Association for seventeen years. Volksmarching is for the most part a planned 5 kilometer (3.1 miles) or 10 km (6.2 miles) walk. Local clubs all over the world organize these walks and advertise them, giving the level of difficulty, the type of terrain, location, dates and times the walks are offered and other pertinent information. There are approximately 400 clubs in the United States hosting these walks. Many special programs have been developed in conjunction with the walks such as walking all fifty states (which my husband and I have done), walking all state capitals (which we have also done), walking all of the counties in a particular state (Maryland is ours.), and programs such as walking in all of the original colonies.

>>When we became active in the organization, we began to involve our children and grandchildren. At first we and/or their parents would walk pushing the kids in strollers. Later the grandkids would proudly walk the 6.2 miles on their own two feet. Our five oldest grandchildren walked with us in each of the original thirteen colonies. This feat not only exercised their bodies, but their minds as well. Each of them now knows with a certainty the names of the original colonies. In addition, as we motored with them from place to place we would teach them the names of all fifty states and their capitals. They were very proud at our oldest son's 40th birthday party to quiz the adults on the colonies and state capitals and show that they knew this information, especially when an adult did not.

>>Thanksgiving weekends are especially memorable for them because a Pennsylvania volksmarch club hosted walks in Hershey, Pennsylvania every year. The walks would begin on Friday afternoon and continue through Sunday noon. There were specific times during which one could walk, i.e. 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Friday afternoon, 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Saturday, and 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. Sunday. For many years we traveled as a family, our three children, their spouses and our grandchildren, and spent Friday night and Saturday in Hershey walking and the kids' enjoying the park and, of course, the chocolate.

>>These walks are remembered with enthusiasm and fondness by every one of the grandchildren--we have nine. It is also gratifying that when their parents ask who they would like to invite on a trip that will include hiking, our names immediately surface as the only grandparents able to do so.

Anyone interested in this activity should refer to the very informative website <>

Reading and the Internet

2008-07-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have been away from these pages this last month because I was so busy being a grandmother that I didn't have time to write about grandmothering. Our middle daughter, Jenny, who lives in Germany, was visiting here with her two daughters, and the time flew by. We honored two family traditions -- took a house on the New Jersey shore with them, plus our eldest daughter, Nancy, and her two daughters for a week; took the whole gang plus our youngest daughter, Dorri, with boyfriend and dog, for a few days to a friend's house in the country; and then enjoyed a little bit of what there is to enjoy in New York City and here in Port Washington.

In between the various activities and events, one of the granddaughters' favorite pastimes was reading. Lisa and Maika, who both read German and English, alternated between books in one language or the other. Anna read a fantasy novel ("I don't know what I would do if I couldn't read," she told me), and Nina laughed over Katie Davis's new chapter book. Nancy and Jenny were reading "Water for Elephants," one with a library copy, one with a battered paperback. And all of this gladdened me, as a former English major. (Maybe being an English major alters the DNA of your children?)

So I didn't personally identify with the issues raised in an article in yesterday's New York Times, about a falling off of reading for fun among today's young people. Still, while bemoaning the loss of this time-honored and valuable ability, it was interesting to realize the different skills sharpened by surfing the Net and how these skills may actually complement their reading. So far reading books seems to lead to higher reading achievement than reading on the Internet, but this may change. As the article says, "Reading five Web sites, an op-ed article and a blog post or two, experts say, can be more enriching than reading one book."

In any case, the article emphasizes one more major way in which our grandchildren's lives are not only different from our lives, but different from their parents' too. You can access the article at http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/books/27reading.html?ex=1217908800&en=b2960ae3b8cce1b2&ei=5070. I'll be interested in other opinions about this societal shift.

When Grandparents Get Sick

2008-06-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I had a really upsetting experience. As I left a memorial service for a friend, which was held at NYU Medical Center in Manhattan, I was just outside the hospital when I saw two children, about 10 and 11, with an elderly man who looked as if he was about to keel over – he was lurching sideways. As I stopped to help, the younger child, a boy, asked me if I had a phone. I took out the phone with one hand and gave it to him. Meanwhile I reached out and held up the man to keep him from falling. The girl dialed a number but it didn’t go through. Neither of the children seemed to speak good English, and the man wasn’t speaking at all.

With the help of another passerby and an attendant we got the man, who turned out to be the children's grandfather, into a wheelchair, and the attendants said they would take him to the Emergency Room. The three had been visiting the grandmother, a patient in the hospital, and when they came out the grandfather got sick. The hospital attendant who eventually came over thought that he had had a stroke, which seemed likely. The man behind the desk spoke Spanish and was able to communicate with the children and to tell them they could go up to tell the grandmother what was happening. I offered to go up with them – I hated just leaving them there, but they waved me off and went on their way. I tried telling the grandfather where the children were going, but he didn’t seem to understand me, so I asked the wheelchair attendant to tell him in Spanish, which he did. It wasn’t clear whether he understood him either or whether the stroke, or whatever was happening with him, left him unable to grasp what was happening. I felt really bad for this family, wondering how the children would get home, who would be there to take care of them, and how they would deal with the trauma of seeing their grandfather get so sick while he was supposed to be taking care of them.

Then I thought about the implications for all of us who take care of our grandchildren. Although when we do this we're usually healthy and don't anticipate a problem like this, trouble can come from nowhere. I have been trying to figure out what we can do to be sure that if we are suddenly taken ill or are injured, our grandchildren will be cared for. One thing is that we should always have a phone with us at these times, and for children who are old enough to use one, we should teach him or her how to call for help. One precaution is to have 911 programmed into our phones at the top of the list. But what else? I would welcome any suggestions from other grandparents.

Super Granny in the Computer Age

2008-06-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

So -- my frustrating tale of woe. On June 17 I posted here. On June 18 I had a computer guru come to fix various glitches on my computer. On June 19 when I went to log into this blog the guru's email address was on the sign-in spot and I was unable to sign in. I entered my own email address -- and still was unable to sign in. Many tries, doing all sorts of things, including going to blogger help, which didn't help. So here I am logging in on my husband's computer. It's a big help to have a backup computer in the house!!! Right now I'm waiting to hear from my computer guru, about to try some other machinations to try to sign in, and about to surrender this screen to my roommate. So if you don't hear from me for a few days you'll know why. And I think I'm so computer-savvy! Not. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear from you at WendkosOlds@alumni.upenn.edu. This includes the powers-that-be at blogger.com.

Katie Davis's books

2008-06-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

One of my greatest joys as a grandmother has been to introduce my grandchildren to the joys of reading. I have given them books as gifts from the time they could barely hold board books in their hands or enjoy the tactile fun of "Pat the Bunny." I have developed a little Oma's Library at my house by buying books that I knew I would enjoy reading over and over and over to them, and never get bored. These reading-together times are special moments I have shared with all the grandchildren.

And one of my deep pleasures as a friend has been to see my friends' children growing up to do wonderful things -- like writing books. I first met my friend Sue in a New York City playground with our two-year-olds, my Jenny and her Katie. After Sue's family, and then ours, moved away from New York we didn't see much of each other for many years, until we both moved back to the New York area. My next connection with Katie came when she wrote and illustrated the wonderful picture book "Who Hops?" Of course I had to buy it for the grandchildren. We read it over and over again. Even before the grandkids could read they were able to memorize its hypnotic rhythms and enjoy its vivid colors. And I could keep enjoying the jokes that may have gone over the children's heads.

Then I discovered another book of Katie's, which became another family favorite. "I Hate to Go to Bed" so exactly mirrors the feelings of little people who are convinced that if they go to bed while others are awake, they'll be missing all kinds of wonderful events. Again, a hypnotic refrain and marvelous pictures.

And "Mabel the Tooth Fairy and How She Got Her Job" gave us lots of laughs and lots of good conversations about teeth, and when Nina lost her tooth last week, who else but Mabel came and visited with tooth money and even signed her name.

There were more delightful books. But now my grandchildren are growing up. They want to read to me -- or by themselves. And just in time, Katie has written a wonderful "chapter book" for 9-to-14's about a sixth grader with problems with math, her best friend, the death of her father, and her mom's new boyfriend. Thanks, Katie, for bringing "The Curse of Addy McMahon" into Lisa's and Nina's lives.

Next time Lisa (12) and Nina (8) come to visit, one of our activities will be going to Katie's wonderful website: www.katiedavis.com. We'll all have fun.

Just Granny and Me

2008-06-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

I have a hard time understanding those grandmothers who say "I don't babysit." Don't they know how much more fun it is being with a grandchild when the parents aren't around? After all, when you have her all to yourself (most of my grandchildren are "hers"), you're the one she comes to with her interesting questions (like "How does the tooth fairy know where to find me when I'm at your house?"); you're the one she snuggles up to when she wants to read -- or have you read -- a favorite book; you're the one she shows off her special tricks in the swimming pool to; you're the one she beats at Checkers (thanks to the two "imaginary" checkers her day camp counselor told her she could play with); you're The One. As much as I love my grandchildren's mothers (my daughters) and want to spend time with them, there's a special joy in the times when you're a twosome, just Grandchild and You.

Grandmothers and breastfeeding

2008-05-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

I have fallen behind in my Super Granny posting because I have been wearing my other hat, as the author of THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING, which I am now revising for its fourth edition. The first edition, for which I consulted with New York pediatrician Marvin S. Eiger,M.D., was published in 1972, the third edition came out in 1999, and I'm thrilled that the book has become a classic in the field and has sold about two million copies (!). I'm now revising again, in consultation with a wonderful young Connecticut pediatrician, Laura M. Marks, M.D.

I'm finding the revision process still interesting, since I'm dealing with some new topics that I hadn't written about before or that I'm expanding in this edition. One is the role of the grandmother. When I was nursing my first baby, 51 years ago in 1957! and didn't know anyone else who was doing this, my mother was my staunchest supporter even though she had not had much luck nursing her own children. But sometimes women who have not nursed themselves don't understand what it's like for a breastfeeding mom. I recently read about one grandmother whose feelings were deeply hurt because she had apparently broken the bank to equip a nursery in her home with crib, baby bathtub, the works, and was hurt when her daughters-in-law gave her “excuses” for not letting their 2-month-old and 5-month-old breastfed babies spend the night at Grandma’s.

Some of the comments to a Q & A that appeared in the local newspaper that this grandma wrote into were so hostile to this grandmother, accusing her of meddling, controlling, you-name-it. But I saw a woman who wanted to be involved with her grandchildren and felt shut out -- and just didn't understand what life is like for a nursing mom and baby. A similar letter from another grandmother (another mother-in-law) appeared on the Huffington Post just last week, May 22, and received a wonderful reply from psychologist Mona Ackerman. You can access this at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mona-ackerman/all-about-breastfeeding_b_103041.html. It's a really understanding response that empathizes with the grandmother's feelings -- and still emphasizes the fact that every mother is entitled to discover the joys of parenting on her own. Or as I am putting it in the draft of my new edition: "Bite your tongue when you disagree with such parenting issues as bed-sharing, feeding on demand, and the like. You had your turn bringing up babies; now your job is to support, not to question."

Healthy Grannies

2008-05-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, many of us are on the job -- and weathering the storm! A new study of 13,000 grandparents between the ages of 50 and 80 found that 29 percent of the grandmothers and 22 percent of grandfathers provided at least 50 hours of care per year for grandkids who don't live with them. And they're faring well. Apparently grandchildren agree with us. This study debunked earlier findings that had showed that the health of grandmothers who cared for their grandchildren was a casualty of the arrangement.

Only a small percentage of grandparents (fewer than 3 percent) give primary care, that is, they're taking care of children whose parents are not in the home. And for these grands, health often has declined when they were just starting to take care of grandkids. This could be because usually when grandparents take over the parenting role, it's unexpected and often for a stressful reason. So the adjustment takes a toll -- but even these arrangements don't bring lasting negative results for health. Once grandmothers continue skipped-generation care, they get healthier again. So overall, the news is good.

And for the majority of us, whose care for our grandkids consists of babysitting -- aside from those viruses that the kids bring home starting in preschool, we stay healthy. Must be all those smiles from the little guys and even the bigger ones!

The study, by Waite, LaPierre, and Luo, appeared in the Journal of Gerontology: Social Science.

Not THAT Super Granny

2008-04-15T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I thought that since my publisher and I finally agreed on the title for my book to be published early in 2009 (SUPER GRANNY: COOL PROJECTS, ACTIVITIES, AND OTHER GREAT STUFF TO DO WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS), I should rename the URL for my blog to Super Granny. Couldn't figure out how to do that. Okay, I thought, I'll create a new blog by that name. Couldn't do that either because SuperGranny.blogspot.com is already taken. And then came my adventures in cyberspace.

SuperGranny.blogspot.com had one post and one comment, both in a language totally unfamiliar to me. Nothing was posted after August 2005.

Super-granny.blogspot.com and SuperGrannysays.blogspot.com both led me to a site advertising a "home business opportunity." Both sites are now inactive.

(N)SuperGranny.com led me to the site of a granny in Sweden who has a "cattery," from which she sells Himalayan cats.

TheSuperGranny.com is a site that sells an energy drink.

And then there are loads of Super Granny video games, which sound like lots of fun.

And so I conclude my latest trekking in cyberspace by deciding to keep omasally.blogspot.com, and hope my friends will continue to find me here.

And speaking of cyberspace, those of us with tech-savvy children and grandchildren are truly lucky. My grandson found me what might be a good notebook computer on eBay, my granddaughter showed me how to set up a PowerPoint presentation, and my daughter the web designer (www.dorriolds.com) fixed the photo on this page so that my face is back to its normal proportions instead of being widened as if I were looking in a funhouse mirror!

Granny's Cinnamon Buns

2008-04-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Granny's cinnamon buns

When I took Nina for lunch at the American Girl Cafe in New York, she especially enjoyed the cinnamon buns they served with the meal. So I promised her that the next time she visited me we would make our own. Which we did, following my mother’s (Nina’s great-grandmother’s) recipe, which my daughter, Dorri Olds (Nina's aunt), wrote up for the delightful book AT GRANDMOTHER'S TABLE: WOMEN WRITE ABOUT FOOD, LIFE, AND THE ENDURING BOND BETWEEN GRANDMOTHERS AND GRANDDAUGHTERS. Edited by Ellen Perry Berkeley, the book is published by Fairview Press and is now out in paperback.

Here's the recipe for Granny's Cinnamon Buns:

GRANNY’S CINNAMON BUNS

3 cups flour
scant ½ cup sugar
¼ tsp salt
1 envelope (1 Tblsp) dry active yeast, dissolved in 2 Tblsps warm (not hot) water with ½ tsp sugar. Yeast should bubble up in 5 mins, showing that it is active.
¼ pound + 4 Tblsp (1 ½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened
½ cup milk, scalded
2 eggs, beaten
½ cup mashed potatoes (fresh or instant)
3 Tblsp brown sugar and/or maple syrup
24 walnut or pecan halves
2 tsp cinnamon
½ cup raisins

1)Combine flour, ½ cup sugar & salt. Mix in yeast water and set aside.
2)Melt ¼ lb. butter in the scalded milk. Add to the flour, then add eggs & mashed potatoes.
3)Mix well, stirring, until mixture comes away from the bowl. Refrigerate overnight (or up to 3 days).
4)Butter muffin pans generously. Pour a little brown sugar or maple syrup (Granny used both) into the bottom of each muffin cup. Then put in an upside-down walnut half.
5)Roll out half the dough on a lightly floured board. Spread 2 Tblsp soft butter over the dough. Then spread 1 Tblsp sugar, 1 tsp cinnamon, & ¼ cup raisins over the dough.
6)Roll the dough up tight & slice it into one-inch thick pieces. Repeat this process for the other half of the dough.
7)Place the one-inch thick pieces in the muffin cups, set them on top of the stove (with the oven turned on the lowest temperature you can make it), and cover them with a towel. Let the dough rise until doubled, about 45 minutes.
8)Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
9)Bake buns for 25 to 30 minutes. Take the pans out of the oven & let them stand for 1 to 2 minutes before turning them out onto brown paper.
10)This recipe makes 24 delicious cinnamon buns.
11)Enjoy!

New title, same Oma Sally!

2008-03-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

I have just changed the title of my blog, to reflect the title of my book, SUPER GRANNY: COOL PROJECTS, ACTIVITIES, AND OTHER GREAT STUFF TO DO WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS, which will be published by Sterling Publishing Company early in 2009. It will still be a communication from me about grandmothers and grandchildren, and I still eagerly welcome any and all messages from other modern grannies and grandkids.

This reminds me of a sign I saw a few years ago in a grocery store that had just computerized its operations. The sign read: PLEASE BE PATIENT. NEW COMPUTERS, SAME OLD LADIES.

Looking forward to hearing from young, old, and inbetween,

Oma Sally

grandmother names

2008-03-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

As I have been interviewing grandmothers for my book, SUPER GRANNY, I have loved hearing all the different names that their grandchildren call them by. There’s Granny, of course, and Grandma, and Nana. And then a host of others.

I am Oma to all my grandchildren. This started because Jennifer, the mother of Stefan, my first grandchild, was married to a German man, and Oma is the German name for Grandma. There’s also Grossmutter – but that’s a bit more formal. When Stefan and his sisters visit us here in the U.S., I am just Oma. But when we visit them in Germany, I am Oma Sally, to distinguish me from Oma Mitzi, their other grandmother. When our two U.S.-based grandchildren came along, it seemed easier for all of them to call me by the same name. I don’t know how my mother remembered who she was to all her grandchildren! My children called her Granny, my brother Buddy’s children (who had lived in Italy) called her Nonna, and my brother Carl’s children called her Bubby, the Yiddish word for grandmother. They called my grandmother, who was their great-grandmother, Bubby-Bubby. She had always been Grandmom to me.

Some grandmother names reflect a child’s first learning to talk – like Bam and Gamma and GamGam. Pally reflects one grandmother’s habitual greeting, “Hey, Pal!” There’s Ammamma (Indian), Savta (Israeli), Meema (I think this means Mom in Hebrew), and Babu (Nepali). Some grandmothers go by their first names, easy for little ones to say and special to the grandchildren, not the grown children, who still say “Mom.”

I’d love to hear more grandmother names!

Say it in email

2008-02-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

For those of us who have not studied a foreign language in lo these many years, there's a really easy one to learn: Emoticon! "Emoticons" are little pictures that your email program may come with, allowing you to express an emotion without words. Or, as my 11-year-old granddaughter, Lisa, taught me, you can make some yourself just by striking the right keys on your computer.

Here are some emoticons that Lisa sent to me:

:-) Smile
:-( Frown
;-) Wink
:-P Tongue-out (Lisa’s favorite)
:-D Laughing
:-[ Embarrassed
:-\ Undecided
=-O Surprise
:-* Kiss
>:o Yell
8-) Cool (Lisa’s other favorite)
:-! Foot-in-Mouth
O:-) Innocent
:'( Cry
:-X Lips-are-Sealed

So -- enjoy! :-)

Hot Granny!

2008-02-01T11:58:00.001-08:00

My wonderful Hollywood-writer niece, Gina Wendkos, sent me Mel Walsh's great little book, "Hot Granny: Fabulous at 50, 60, and Beyond!" It's full of telling-it-like-it-is and how-to-make-it-better for those of us who have reached a certain age, and it's very funny, as in : "You can look like a horse, walk like a chicken, have wrinkles like the side fissures of the Grand Canyon, and still be a Hot Granny." And speaking of grannies, she says "any older woman who helps the youngest generation turn out right is a very Hot Granny indeed" even if you don't have any grandchildren yourself.

I like her advice when you have a "bone to pick": deliver an "insult sandwich," which is a compliment followed by a layer of criticism and finished off with a top layer of compliment. I once suggested that editors could make their authors fall in love with them forever if they offered their criticism like that. Works with most others also.

And I like her rules for visiting and hosting grandchildren. The list for the first starts out "This is not your house, and these are not your rules." And when they visit you: "Deal with any stale smells. Kids remember how the houses of grandparents smell."

Gina's present to me turned out to be a present for her too, since I pointed out that Hot Granny's movie recommendations to watch with grandkids include both Gina's "Princess Diary" flicks.

Walking the High Beam

2008-01-21T08:16:00.001-08:00

When we made plans to visit the Liberty Science Center in New Jersey with our daughter, Nancy, and her two daughters, I never expected to be walking along a steel girder 18 feet in the air as part of the "Skyscraper!" exhibit. Nina, age 7, didn't quite make the height guidelines' minimum of four feet tall. (Maximum height is 6'8" and maximum weight 300 pounds -- not a problem for any of us.) But the rest of us did, and with the encouragement and inspiration of Anna, 15, Opa (i.e., Grandpa) and I lined up along with her, got strapped into our safety harnesses (just like the kind real construction workers wear), and walked the narrow beam. Even though I knew we couldn't fall because of the harness and the rope we were holding, it was a little scary looking down and realizing we were walking along a very narrow walkway, very high up.

When I expressed some hesitation to Anna, she said, "Well, you went bungy jumping!" And so we did, a year ago in Queenstown, New Zealand, the bungy capital of the world. But that moment of terror just lasted a couple of seconds at the jumping-off moment, until I was caught by the bungy cord. This time it lasted for the several minutes it took to walk the beam, get the rope unstuck from the corners, and finally find solid ground again. Anna scooted right along on the beam -- I was glad she went first, so even though I was slower, with a more measured walk, I knew I could do it -- and knew I had to, for my granddaughters' sake!

It was an educational experience, too, since much about the exhibit gave some fascinating facts -- like the fact that Mohawk Indians still are among the largest ethnic group of workers who labor high above New York and other big, skyscraper-rich cities. It was educational for the museum workers too. One of the young men who helped us harness up said, "I like to see older couples like you do this -- gives me hope for my future!"

soap carving for grandchildren

2008-01-18T11:36:00.001-08:00

After my husband told me of his long-ago memories of his mother sitting by his bed and helping him to make carvings out of soap when he was sick as a child, I thought, "What a great activity to do with my grandchildren!" And they wouldn't even have to be sick! So I packed a couple of enormous bath-size cakes of Ivory Soap in my suitcase (wondering what airport security guards would make of them), along with directions I found on the Internet, and soon after my arrival at my granddaughters' home, sat down with two of them to proceed to carve.

It certainly seemed much easier on paper than it did on the actual soap! One of us (not me) had done it before, and managed to produce a beautiful little bunny rabbit, but for the other two of us there was much frustration. Somehow the knife would either not cut out enough to make the desired shape, or would cut too much so that we lost first one rabbit's ear and then the other, and finally gave up, ending with a snowy hill of soap shavings, which my frugal daughter plans to reshape into usable soap. The good news, though, was that nobody drew blood -- as a loving grandmother how would I have explained that?

I felt a little better about the less-than-100%-successful activity when I read a hilarious online article by former elementary school art teacher Linda Godfrey called "Whatever Happened to Soap Carving?" in which she writes of this popular school activity in the 1950s: "How many children sacrificed fingers on the altar of Soap Sculpture will never be known, but it's a safe bet the company making Band-aids raked in as many bucks as the soap manufacturers." And I can attest to her observation that "soap is not really that easy to carve... and most finished 'sculptures' end up about one inch in diameter and resembling a lakebed pebble." Too true! You can read the article for yourself at http://www.cnb-scene.com/psoap.html and consider it a challenge to prove her wrong.

terrific show

2007-12-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

As a follow-up to the interviews that local fifth-graders conducted of senior citizens, including my husband, Mark, and me, the children, aided by a person from a nearby arts council, put together 26 skits based on what we seniors told them. It was the best show I have seen all year -- and I go to Broadway a lot!

They acted out a scene Mark had described when his jeep in World War 2 rolled over and he and his driver were both injured; they acted out my description of being in a remote Nepalese village where the children have so little compared to these modern kids; they acted out one man's memory of being caught in quicksand and being saved by his loyal dog; they acted out another man's memory of coming to this country from Italy as a 12-year-old and being put into first grade because he didn't speak English. And they acted out an 80-year-old woman's memory of having wet her pants in elementary school. This last was wonderful because they got her point -- that you can undergo something really embarrassing -- and you can get over it.

I was really moved by the way the children tuned into history through our memories, and it was another reminder of how important it is for us to tell our stories to our grandchildren. They won't know what our lives have been like, what kinds of things scared us, embarrassed us, made us happy, or made us sad -- unless we tell them.

Now, over the holidays, when so many of us are lucky enough to be able to spend time with our grandchildren, is a perfect time for letting them into our lives before they knew us. Happy holidays, everyone!

Your Maiden Name and Other Vital Facts about You

2007-11-30T09:06:00.000-08:00

One in four adult Canadians have no idea what their grandmother's maiden name was (according to a recent survey by www.ancestry.ca, an online resource for family history), and I imagine that the results for people in the U.S. would be about the same. It's a shame to lose precious parts of our family history, so it's important for us to tell our grandchildren who we are, who we were, and what we have done in our lives before they or their parents were even dreamed of. One in five Canadians don't know what their grandfathers did for a living, and I would guess that even fewer would know what their grandmothers did, even though throughout history many women have indeed worked for pay or done valuable volunteer work.

This maiden-name business is an issue that I feel strongly about. If I were getting married today, I would keep the name I had for 22 years before my marriage. As it is, I inserted my maiden name, Wendkos, into my byline sometime after I began being published when I got that a-ha! moment and realized that no one who had known me before my marriage would ever connect Sally Olds with Sally Wendkos.

With the holidays coming up, many grandmas will be lucky enough to spend time with your grandchildren. This will be a perfect time for you to tell them about your past -- what your name once was (if you have changed it) and what some of the important aspects of your life have been. One helpful tool for this is "For My Grandchild: A Grandmother's Gift of Memory," published by Sterling Publishing Co. in affiliation with AARP. It's a beautiful hardcover workbook and sells for only $9.95 in the U.S. and $12.95 in Canada. (Disclosure: the book I am currently writing, about activities grandmothers can do with their grandchildren, will also be published by Sterling.)

Have fun with your stories!

Interviews by Fifth Graders

2007-11-05T08:36:00.000-08:00

It was like being a surrogate grandmother when three fifth-grade students at a local school interviewed Mark and me as part of a project involving a number of older community residents. My interviewers, Amy, Carolyn, and Ryan, all had lists of questions to ask, which ranged all over the place, and so I didn't talk to them as much as I had thought I would about the children in Nepal. They were somewhat interested in the lives of the village children -- but they had other questions to ask.

One of them did ask me "What was the youngest person you met there?" I told them that I had held babies in the village -- and that I was very lucky, because the babies don't wear diapers. The parents know when to hold the baby away from them, but I didn't know -- I was just lucky! They were very interested in the fact that the babies wear only shirts and thought they should definitely wear something on their bottoms. I used this as a teaching moment to say that this is what I love about travel -- the chance to see how people in other cultures do things, and that the things we take for granted in our own cultures are done very differently in other places. Amy picked up on this right away and said, "So people over there would think it was a waste of time and money to put diapers or pants on a baby!"

They asked how many children I had, and then how many grandchildren. They wanted to know the names & ages of the grandchildren. (They didn't ask this about my children!) When they heard that my oldest grandchild is 25, they wanted to know if I had any great-grandchildren.

They asked "What was the silliest thing you ever did?" I thought a minute, laughed, and said, "Putting this red color in my hair, which I just did this year after having been gray for a long time!" When I told this to a friend, she reminded me of another silly thing we did. When our kids went out trick-or-treating, we put on costumes and went out ourselves. So this proves my maxim: "Everybody has to grow old, but you can stay immature forever!"

Two of the interviewers were pretty good about listening to my answers to their questions, but the t hird needs to learn a few things about interviewing! She interrupted the other kids, interrupted me, and talked about herself!

The children will get together with the project coordinator and will write a skit based on some of the interviews. There were three fifth grade classes doing this and a number of different people being interviewed, so their play may not have anything to do with anything Mark and I said. But we'll go to the play on December 19th and find out.

It was a fun experience! And it's the kind of thing that you can do with your own grandchildren. I'll have to see whether any of mine are interested in interviewing us.

Your Grandkids' Opinions

2007-10-29T11:12:00.001-07:00

I know that we elders are supposed to dispense wisdom by the gallon, but sometimes it pays to ask the youngest generation for opinions or advice. Later this week, as part of an intergenerational project being carried out by our Port Washington public schools and a local arts organization, Mark and I will be interviewed by fifth graders at a nearby school. They are asking older members of the community about any aspects of their lives they care to talk about -- a celebration, a difficulty, an important experience.

The teacher coordinating the project suggested that I might speak about my writing, but I wondered whether it might not be more interesting to the fifth graders for me to talk about the children in the remote hill village in Nepal where I have visited four times and stayed with local families. I asked my grandchildren -- who are much closer to fifth grade than I am -- to help me decide. All those who weighed in voted for talking about the children in Nepal.

Maika, 19, said, "I would say the kids would be interested in how children live in Nepal -- the differences and similarities to how children in the U.S. grow up." And Anna, 15, emailed me: "I would want to know where they live, the languages they speak, what they wear, their jobs, the average sizes of families, their hobbies, and what the landscape looks like." Lisa, 11, also voted for the children. So that's what I'll do. I'll take some photos along -- and offer to show slides of the village some time in the future.

And I'll please the teacher too. My writing does figure into this, since I wrote an article and a book about the people in the village. I'm looking forward to Thursday.

The Wonderful World of Children's Books

2007-10-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Because I have always loved to read, still love reading kids' books myself and now enjoy seeing my grandchildren reading them, I was delighted to come across a great website and blog: childrensbookbag.com/blog. It presents reviews of children's books -- brand-new books, new versions of old ones, and beloved classics. All the reviews are written by a team of volunteer readers, most of whom are parents and grandparents -- and none of whom have any commercial ties to bookstores or publishers. Recent reviews included books specially selected for picky eaters, children with separation anxiety, and kids (and grandparents) just looking to have fun.

I know you'll like visiting the site and finding titles that are either new to you -- or that will remind you of books you and your children liked that you may have forgotten about.

Happy Reading. I'd love to hear about some of your favorite kids' books.

Mathematical grandmas?

2007-10-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

I just came across a terrific article by Kenneth Williams, a math teacher and author of "Fun with Figures," suggesting how we can help our grandchildren with math. And we can do it in really easy ways, like baking together and having them measure ingredients, checking a map or going to www.Mapquest.com to find out how many miles apart they live from you, taking them to lunch and asking them to check the bill and figure out the tip. I know my granddaughters are learning some math when they sell me Girl Scout cookies and tell me how much money I'll have to pay on delivery. Fortunately, they don't tell me how many calories I'll be taking in after I get all those goodies! The chocolate mint cookies are still my favorites.

To read the article, go to:
http://www.limeehai.com/156/grandparents-help-your-grandkids-do-math/

And let me know how your "teaching" sessions go.

high-tech grandma?

2007-09-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have to laugh at myself -- here I am writing a book about cool modern grandmas, up on the latest technology, patting myself on the back because I'm familiar with computers and cell phones and all that jazz -- and then I hit one technical glitch after another. My tape recorder gives me nothing but static, the photos I want to post on my blog come out looking as if they're reflections in a funhouse mirror, and my email freezes. I call for technical help, I ask my fellow writers, I get a special device from my friendly neighborhood Radio Shack. But everything takes soooo long. Oh, if only my teenage grandchildren were here to solve my tech troubles! In this I imagine I'm typical of many grandmas -- we can do it all, but this is one area where we're less likely to teach our grandkids than to learn from them.

What have you learned from your grandchildren this week?

Running Grandma

2007-09-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

I loved the story in The Kansan newspaper about Mary Jane Mann, a 74-year-old grandmother in Topeka, who started to run when she was 46 and is still at it today. Why do I love this story so much? The fact that I'm a 74-year-0ld grandmother on Long Island (New York) who started running when I was 46 and am still at it today might have something to do with it.

The special bonuses from my running have included the experience of running with my grandchildren. It's been wonderful to see that, as I have gotten slower and slower, they have gotten faster and faster. But the best is that we enjoy pounding the paths together. These shared runs have included the ones with Anna at age three, pumping her chubby little arms, running with me on the beach; the three-generation races three or four of us have run every Mother's Day for the past dozen years (before going out to brunch to replace those calories we had expended during those 3.1 miles!); and the New Year's Eve when Stefan and I ran at midnight in Central Park while fireworks flashed overhead.

I would love to hear about the kinds of activities other grandmothers share with their grandchildren -- things you love to do, and love even more doing with them.

To read the September 25 article about Mary Jane, go to http://www.thekansan.com/stories/092507/topstories_092507005.shtml

glamorous grandma

2007-09-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Grandmas are about to get a new boost in the glamour department when Liv Ullman's next film, her first Norwegian film in 38 years, comes out. Ullman, 68, will play the grandmother of a severely ill 13-year-old girl. She has said she did not plan to star in any more movies, but that when she read the manuscript for this one, she wept with happiness. We'll have to be patient, though: the filming will not begin until this November. No word yet as to when it will be released.

Does anyone know whether Ullman herself is a grandmother? I know she has a daughter but don't know whether she has grandchildren.

Cool Grandmas

2006-12-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog -- all about grandmothers and grandchildren. I'm looking for stories about what we modern, up-to-the-minute grandmas do with our grandkids and what we can learn from each other.

I would love to hear from you!

Oma Sally

(My first grandchild grew up in Germany, so now all the grandchildren call me "Oma," the German word for "Grandma")