GRANDPARENTS ON VACATION

I’ve been away from these pages for a few weeks because Mark (Opa) and I went to Croatia and Slovenia, with a brief visit to Bosnia-Herzegovenia. We were away only two weeks, but somehow catching up with work before and afterwards, and getting ready for the trip and re-entry afterwards ate up a lot of time. We saw some beautiful picture-postcard scenes along the Adriatic coast and some very sad reminders of the war in the Balkans during the 1990s. And we met a number of other grandparents – this is, after all, the demographic that has the time and the money to travel.

Even though none of us were with our grandchildren, you could tell that thoughts of them were ever-present. One grandfather looked everywhere for dolls in ethnic costumes for his granddaughters that were “not in plastic cases [the dolls, not the granddaughters] but were real dolls that the girls can drag around with them.” A grandmother stocked up on local postage stamps for her grandson’s collection. Several people hit the computers at the hotel every day to connect with children and grandchildren. And so it went.

We sent postcards to everyone as we always do, letting them know we were thinking of them and giving them a little taste of another country. Then, throughout our twelve days of active sight-seeing I looked for presents that I might bring the grandchildren. I ruled out cheap souvenirs since they all have too much stuff already and don’t need more to clutter up their homes. I ruled out expensive jewelry because I like to shop for good gifts where I know the merchant and can return if there’s any problem. I knew we didn’t need to bring anything, since one of my daughters has said, “Please don’t bring a present every time you come – the children are happy just to see you.” And we weren’t gone any longer than a typical gap between seeing the family.

But I didn’t feel right coming home empty-handed after we had taken such an extensive trip, so I kept looking – and I finally found a solution for the four granddaughters in an unlikely little souvenir shop: little change purses made of handkerchief-linen fringed with lace (for which Croatia is known), with little zippers. Easy to pack, inexpensive, and easy to push to the back of a dresser drawer if the girls don’t want to use them. For our 20-something grandson there was nothing that seemed useful or entertaining enough to bring home. We’ll have to buy him a little something when he comes to visit us this fall.

I wonder how other grandparents feel about bringing souvenirs from trips for grandchildren. A “must,” a “maybe,” or a “forget-about-it”? Let me hear from you.

TEA PARTY MANNERS

Ever wonder how you can teach manners to your rambunctious preschool grandchildren without coming across like a disciplinarian? You can take a leaf from the program at the Escuela Preschool in Minot, North Dakota, where four- and five-year-olds invited their grandparents to a tea party.

At Escuela, the children’s teacher, Paula Simonson, put on a hat and let the children choose hats for themselves and for their grandparents. Then Ms. Simonson sat with the youngsters, teaching them how to hold a teacup correctly, how to nibble on a cookie, and how to talk politely with their grandparents. She even suggested conversational topics that the children could raise with the older generation, like the weather – or asking Grandma “how she’s feeling after her gallbladder operation.”

This is a great activity that any of us grands can do with our own little ones. In fact, two of the grannies whose stories I tell in SUPER GRANNY did something similar. Once a year Patti takes her six granddaughters to a teahouse that has a huge trunk full of fur boas and other dress-up items, “where they get a chance to use their good table manners.” And about once a week Carol hosts her grandsons at a festively set table (including animal-face paper plates) and has conversations ranging from favorite colors to the solar system.

I was so tickled recently to see, at the Dolphin Bookshop here in Port Washington, MANNERS CAN BE FUN, the Munro Leaf book about manners that I had when my daughters were small – and that I even remember from my own childhood. I think this is the one that taught me to cover my mouth when I yawned, by showing a huge open mouth. There are a lot of things I don’t remember – but this is one that I do. It made quite an impression – and I’m glad this childhood classic is still being published, sold, and teaching manners in a delightful way.

FOR LONG-DISTANCE GRANNIES

Certain events and times of the year – school concerts, soccer games, piano recitals, and of course, the holidays – are the hardest for us grandmothers who would love to be near our grandchildren. We’ve learned by this stage of life that we can’t always get what we want. Fortunately there is email, and even if we can’t hug our grandchildren in person we can communicate and stay close through cyberspace. I love the email correspondence that I have with my own grandchildren, but I have to say that they all started sending messages quite a bit later than four-year-old Henry, who lives with his little sister, Molly, and his parents in Chicago. Henry and Molly have two faraway grandmothers, one in New York and the other even farther away in Auckland, New Zealand. Fortunately they love to get on the computer and send messages to each other. And sometimes deciphering the messages is part of the fun.

One recent email from Henry to Susan (the NZ granny) read: “hi susan im in belinhim henry.” Susan wrote back “Can you tell me something more about belinhim?” and got this reply: “no susan because just are friends house henry.” Susan explained the mystery: “It was really quite simple when Lizzie [Henry’s mother] explained it. They had driven to a nearby town called Bellingham and stayed the night with friends.”

After Susan sent recipes to Henry (who likes to cook), he wrote back: “hi susan here is a recipe for you okay 50 cups honey 12 cups eggs 1 cup eggs 49 tablespoons carrots.” Sounds good, doesn’t it? The sweetest part, of course, is the connection between Susan and Henry, and Susan’s ability to follow Henry’s developing thought processes and personality.

And a recent email to Fran (the NY granny) read: “hi mommy and meema [Fran] and emma and susan and emily when are you going to come over except my mom because that one is in my family-henry,” followed by “12345678910) (11) 1213141516171819) (20) 212223242526272829) (30) 3132) 33343536373839) 40 414243444546474849) (50) + 50 = 100 –henry.” It shouldn’t come as any surprise to learn that both Henry’s parents are mathematicians.

But now Henry’s latest email to Fran (“MEMMA DO YOU KNOW THIS SONG SAUZAHALECHOOASAWNASZA”) makes me wonder if he’s a musician as well as a math whiz. Do any of you readers know this song??? It’s a mystery to Fran – and to me.

Happy Emailing – and Happy New Year!

When Grandchildren Help Plan a Trip

Since several of the super grannies I interviewed for my book SUPER GRANNY (due out in March and now in page proofs) told me about trips they had taken with their grandchildren, I was delighted to talk with Heather Larson as she was researching her article on involving children in planning a trip.

I was especially happy to tell Heather the story about Dee Poujade of Oregon, whose seven-year-old granddaughter, Michaela, did so much of the planning for their glorious week in London. Some of the other ideas in Heather’s article involved going to a place where a child has written a school report, involving children in your own hobbies, and capitalizing on their interest in favorite books.

To read Heather’s lively article, which was posted earlier this month on the really helpful site, www.grandparents.com, go to: http://www.grandparents.com/gp/printarticle/travel/travel-tips/article/getaways-that-grandchildren-can-plan.html

The gift of being a grandmother

Earlier this month I came across a beautiful paean to grandmothering. It was posted on the online site of Mothering Magazine and written by author and grandmother Angela Rossmanith. To access the entire article, go to: http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/inspiration/another-kind-of-gift.html. Meanwhile, though, here’s a little taste of a discovery that so many grandparents can relate to:
“I loved my children, and of course I still do and always will, but this love I have for my grandchild is a source of enormous wonder to me. From the moment I saw her, very new and tiny, this little girl has revealed to me a fresh dimension of life, a deepening and broadening of perspective. She has been a great and gracious gift.”
Then Rossmanith goes on to tell several lyrical stories about the gifts that grandmothers give to their grandchildren. Reading them makes me realize that some of the memories our grandchildren have of us are not the ones we would have thought made an impression, but here as in so much else in life we can’t predict what becomes important to someone else.
I plan to ask my grandchildren about some of their memories of me. I’m very curious to find out what they say. Fortunately, I’m still around to keep making memories. In my next posting I’ll talk about some of the most recent memories that I hope will stay with the grandchildren.

The magic of modern technology

In case you're wondering who the people are in the photo on the rock -- there's my husband, Mark; my three daughters, Nancy, Jenny, and Dorri; and my five grandchildren, Stefan, Maika, Anna, Lisa, and Nina. And of course, granddog Buddy. All the grandchildren are always in my heart, but on this particular day last month, only four of them were with me in the flesh.

However, since Stefan wasn't there in person, he was there in my heart. And so I asked my daughter, Dorri, a whiz with PhotoShop, to make the picture complete. And so even though he was thousands of miles away at the time, here he is. Just shows that we can't accept photos as evidence of true events any more. I thought of this when I saw the photo published by the National Enquirer supposedly of Senator John Edwards holding a baby on his lap. Was he really doing this? Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes the camera does lie.

To go to the days before technology, it's nice to note where Stefan was when this photo was taken. He had gone to a temporary job found through his university, by which he worked part-time in Tuscany, Italy, for room and board. Fortunately, he was able to go to Florence when he finished his assignment, where he met my friend, Vinicia Russo Masi, who drove him around to show him the sights in this glorious city. Vinicia and I became friends over 50 years ago when we were students and would meet weekly, Vinicia to practice her English and I to practice my Italian. We stayed in touch, dropped out of touch, were brought together again when Dorri went to Italy, once again stayed close through the mail, and have been able to see each other occasionally in recent years. This is the first time she has met any of my grandchildren. It was a thrill to me to bring them together. Vinicia and I usually communicate the old-fashioned way, by mail and telephone. Happily, there's still a place for that in modern lives.

Katie Davis's books

One of my greatest joys as a grandmother has been to introduce my grandchildren to the joys of reading. I have given them books as gifts from the time they could barely hold board books in their hands or enjoy the tactile fun of "Pat the Bunny." I have developed a little Oma's Library at my house by buying books that I knew I would enjoy reading over and over and over to them, and never get bored. These reading-together times are special moments I have shared with all the grandchildren.

And one of my deep pleasures as a friend has been to see my friends' children growing up to do wonderful things -- like writing books. I first met my friend Sue in a New York City playground with our two-year-olds, my Jenny and her Katie. After Sue's family, and then ours, moved away from New York we didn't see much of each other for many years, until we both moved back to the New York area. My next connection with Katie came when she wrote and illustrated the wonderful picture book "Who Hops?" Of course I had to buy it for the grandchildren. We read it over and over again. Even before the grandkids could read they were able to memorize its hypnotic rhythms and enjoy its vivid colors. And I could keep enjoying the jokes that may have gone over the children's heads.

Then I discovered another book of Katie's, which became another family favorite. "I Hate to Go to Bed" so exactly mirrors the feelings of little people who are convinced that if they go to bed while others are awake, they'll be missing all kinds of wonderful events. Again, a hypnotic refrain and marvelous pictures.

And "Mabel the Tooth Fairy and How She Got Her Job" gave us lots of laughs and lots of good conversations about teeth, and when Nina lost her tooth last week, who else but Mabel came and visited with tooth money and even signed her name.

There were more delightful books. But now my grandchildren are growing up. They want to read to me -- or by themselves. And just in time, Katie has written a wonderful "chapter book" for 9-to-14's about a sixth grader with problems with math, her best friend, the death of her father, and her mom's new boyfriend. Thanks, Katie, for bringing "The Curse of Addy McMahon" into Lisa's and Nina's lives.

Next time Lisa (12) and Nina (8) come to visit, one of our activities will be going to Katie's wonderful website: www.katiedavis.com. We'll all have fun.