Le Diner en Blanc New York

Le Diner en Blanc New York
Lincoln Center 2012

Thursday, October 29, 2009

SWEET MEMORIES

I received a lovely phone call last night from an old friend. Hedy married David’s best friend, Erv, more than fifty years ago, and remained Erv’s and our good friend even after they were divorced and even after she moved some distance away from us. In our conversation Hedy talked about the memories she had of David over the years, and I asked her to share them. She talked about the time she dated him (before I had met him – and which I knew all about), and she talked about how much she appreciated our making the long drive to see her on two occasions – the sad one when Erv died and the happy one when their granddaughter was Bat Mitzvah’d. Hedy asked if it was too painful for me to hear these memories, but I relished them and appreciated hearing through her voice and her memories how much she too loved and admired my David.

These are the messages that mean the most to me – the conversations and the notes in which people share their memories of David, because through all these memories he lives on. There’s the junior high school teacher who wrote to me of a time when David came to speak to his class and had the students mesmerized by his talking about his career in radio. (I know what a tough audience junior high schoolers can be!) Or the young man who wrote about how David had welcomed him into our home at a crucial time in his life. Or the trainer at the gym who told me of the good conversations they used to have. Or the young woman who lived next door to us as a little girl and still remembers his smile and how he helped her single mother clear away the snow in her driveway.

Some of these memories are new to me, or forgotten, so they give me the gift of seeing still another aspect of who he was – and what his impact was on people outside our family. I’m grateful for this gift.

9 comments:

Joan Price said...

Yes, I feel exactly the same way. What joy through the tears when someone reminded me of an old memory or shared something about Robert that I didn't know. Most precious of all were those comments, "He always talked about how much he loved you. One time, he said...."

Susan said...

I hope your post will motivate more people to write that note or pick up the phone and share their stories with those who are bereaved. It's easier just to send flowers or a sympathy card, but those personal memories are infinitely more precious.

You remain in my thoughts,
Susan

Joan Price said...

Sally, thank you for leaving your comment on my blog. It's especially precious because I know how much you're grieving.

Sometimes I say to a friend, "Tell me something you remember about Robert." A bright light shines when I learn something new about how my beloved helped someone else, which is usually the story I hear.

To those of you reading this who know someone in grief -- reach out with a memory. Don't worry that you're "reminding" us of our loss. Believe me, we don't forget for a moment.

Much love to you, Sally. I wish I had known David.

Joan Price said...

Just checking in to let you know I'm thinking about you. I know the holidays are especially difficult. I hope your close friends and readers here who feel close to you, whether they've met you or not, realize that and keep offering to help.

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Dorothy said...

Came over from Play Wit Me Nana, and I loved what you wrote as I just did a post on Brittany Murphy and the importance of sharing memories of those who have passed. This was lovely, I felt like for a moment I knew your friends..

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judy said...

I am so touched by your story. My husband suffered a brain injury 12 years ago, and with his total care, I sometimes forget what our life together was like before the injury. Your story reminds me that living one day at a time is so important, and how precious life is, even though he can't experience things as he used to.

Robert said...

Hi!

Sorry to hear of your loss, I really like your blog though!

Think you might like my website www.bobversus.com and my latest blog Bob Versus Grans:

http://bobversus.com/archives/477

I consider whether grans should live forever! What do you think?

Edna said...

Sally, I miss you. I send warm thoughts your way every time I see your name on my blog list. I hope you are finding your strength and some peace since the loss of your dear husband.